Saturday, February 18, 2017

Still Wondering

On Thursday, the evening after Farmer H's near-miss with the Garlic Bread Toaster-Warming Plan...he again astounded me by remaining alive after making a less-than-wise choice.

Let the record show that I give Puppy Jack and Sweet, Sweet Juno a snack on the front porch every evening after my walk. They get assorted leftovers and expired food from the pantry or FRIG II. On that very day, I had set out a loaf of sliced french bread from The Devil's Playground bakery section. It had been in FRIG II for two weeks, and I'd just bought a loaf to replace it, so I needed the room. The dogs enjoyed their bread snack, along with a few of the softer bones from some Devil's deli chicken. There was still half a loaf left for the next day's snack.

Farmer H was left to his own devices for scrounging his supper Thursday night. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom doesn't cook warm in the oven or heat in the microwave on shopping day. Besides, Farmer H enjoys Devil's fried chicken and slaw, though not as much as he likes hot dogs.

On Friday, Farmer H had plans to go to the auction. I offered to warm him some frozen Buffalo Chicken nuggets that he'd had for the Super Bowl. They're quick. He had about 45 minutes to spare before leaving. He said that yes, that would be good. He liked the Buffalo chicken chunks.

"You can have some slaw with them. Or a salad. And there's a bag of rolls I just bought yesterday. They're in the refrigerator."

"I can have some bread."

"Oh, you mean the garlic bread? Yeah, I can warm that up for you."

"No. That other bread."

"Oh. The french bread. Yeah, I got another loaf of that, too. You'll have to put a twisty on it when you open it. There's one of those tape thingies holding it closed. They always tear the bag when you take it off. I'll lay out a twisty."

"I'll just have the slices, like I had last night."

"What do you mean?"

"On the counter."

"THAT WAS FOR THE DOGS! And I just threw it away THIS MORNING because there was mold growing on the top! I wouldn't even give it to the dogs tonight!"

[Let the record show that the mold looked like a map of the Americas. (Ever since that England is an island debacle, Mrs. HM loves to show off her mad geography skillz whenever she gets a chance.) Let the record further show that Farmer H has a thing about moldy bread, and turns green at the mere thought of touching a bag with moldy bread inside.]

"Well...there wasn't any mold on it last night..." I imagine Farmer H's innards were writhing, despite his rationalization.

One of these days, Farmer H is going to remember that anything set down on the counter in that area is meant to be fed to the chickens, dogs, goat, or mini pony. Until then, he might as well expect to contract food poisoning.

Considering all the trouble Indiana Jones had getting that poison antidote before he entered the Temple of Doom...perhaps Farmer H needs to wear a vial of poison antidote around his neck.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Oh, you made me laugh! I can just imagine the look on his face. Why is it that we have to tell grown men to seal up the bread bag, or it will grow stale? I keep a cookie jar for HeWho, because after he opens a package he cannot seem to close it. But, just yesterday I saw the lid to the cookie jar NEXT to the cookie jar. Why??

Sioux said...

Now I have an idea that might work even better than the wood chipper.

Self-inflicted food poisoning.

Hillbilly Mom said...

My dad used to BLOW AIR INTO THE BREAD BAG to keep the bread fresh. His reasoning was that air is a good insulator. Let the record show that I did not eat much bread.

I guess you missed the memo that putting the lid on the cookie jar is OUR responsibility. My best ol' ex-teaching buddy Mabel says that every night after dipping his bowl of ice cream, her husband left a single drop of melted ice cream on the counter. EVERY NIGHT!

It could happen. Especially if Farmer H keeps pickin' up what I'm laying down...on the counter for the dogs.