Saturday, July 22, 2017

As If The Sweaving Wasn't Enough

Perhaps you've heard about Farmer H's driving style. It's a combination of swerving and weaving. Sweaving. Like he's compelled to yank the wheel from side-to-side as he's rolling down the road, not giving one whit of attention to the pavement marked with lines, but looking off into fields at barns and tractors.

As much as I dislike riding with Farmer H when he's being a master sweaver...I dislike arguing with Farmer H even more. I know, right? You'd think it was one of my favorite pastimes! Au contraire. Arguing with Farmer H is a waste of energy, saliva, and vocal cord wear-and-tear. The message never gets through. Because, you see, Farmer H, in his own mind, IS NEVER WRONG!

Like yesterday. We were in town, on the way from my pharmacy to the gas station chicken store. Oh, don't think I've recruited Farmer H to chauffeur me around Hillmomba so we can be together as much as possible before I get him all to myself when he retires in five weeks. No siree, Bob! We were together because we were returning from a casino visit, and he said he'd take me to get my soda, rather than me driving ten minutes back to town on my own. You can't imagine how grateful I was for that selfless offer...really. You can't.

Farmer H pulled across the intersection beside Dairy Queen, and made a right turn into the parking lot of the gas station chicken store WITHOUT USING A TURN SIGNAL!!!

I watch Live PD every weekend. Friday night AND Saturday night, by cracky! I know that nothing good comes of turning without a signal. One minute you're riding along in you automobile, no particular place to go...and the next minute, you're being handcuffed and a dog is sniffing your car for the weed the cop said he smelled when you rolled down your window.

"You didn't signal!"


"You turned without a signal!"

"No. I just veered in."

"So that's what you're going to tell the cop? 'I know I didn't use a signal. I didn't really turn. I just veered.' Is that it? Next thing you know, you're up against the car and an officer is groping your junk! There goes your weed!"

"Oh, well."

Uh huh. Farmer H is above the law. And he has absolutely no sense of humor.


fishducky said...

I have a husband like that!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

From what I hear, they're pretty common!