Let There Be Light, In 7-10 Business Days

Farmer H often leaves me in the dark. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes I'm sure he just considers it a happy accident. Lately he's had a penchant for inviting folks to swim in Poolio, and not bothering to tell me. Granted, it doesn't really affect me while I'm in my dark basement lair. I'm not using Poolio, and I don't have to entertain with bottle service or set up cabanas. Still, I'd kind of like to know when we have other people on the property. Especially when Farmer H is at work, and the dogs are going crazy, and I hear thumping on the porch, and screams.

Farmer H has also been getting phone calls after 9:00 p.m. I hear his cell phone ring. The ringtone is quite distinctive: the sound of an old dial phone ringing. It helps that Farmer H has the ringer volume turned up to HIGHER THAN A JET ENGINE. And that he puts it on the hard counter of the bathroom sink to charge when he gets home. Last night, I happened to be upstairs and overheard his cryptic answers. I figure it's about the new shed he is planning to spend about $10,000 or more on. To fill with junk, of course, though he says it will be to park cars in and work on them.

Anyhoo...the most pressing in-the-dark issue on my mind right now is that fact that we are actually IN THE DARK. Our dusk-to-dawn light out front on a utility pole has been out for about a week. Do you know how dark it gets in Hillmomba? So dark that when I get up at night for the bathroom, I have to turn on a light! The soft glow of the dusk-to-dawn light doesn't filter through the frosted round window in the master bathroom. I don't like turning on the light. It wakes me up. But we are permanently stuck between dusk and dawn.

For at least 7-10 business days.

I called this morning to report the issue to Ameren Missouri. Farmer H said he would do it last week. During the three days he was working. He makes a lot of calls from work, when he's not busy looking for beer company memorabilia on eBay, and car parts to restore a 1970s pickup truck that he's had since The Pony was born.

When I asked Farmer H last night if he knew when our light was getting fixed, he said he hadn't even reported it yet!!! And furthermore, he was pretty sure that the perfect time to report it was late at night, around 11:30, "...when you're still up on your computer."

Huh. Sounds like the 60-percent working man thinks the little woman should be the one to report a YARD PROBLEM. And that he believes Ameren Missouri has 24-hour-a-day customer service.

It's probably going to take more than 7-10 business days. Sweet Gummi Mary! Even Mrs. Hillbilly Mom wouldn't want her pole light to take precedence over somebody whose ELECTRICITY was broken during this heat wave.

Here's a scary thought that hit me in the middle of writing this. The dusk-to-dawn light quit working the same week as my internet. Wonder what Crazy Dude knows about lights...