Thursday, July 13, 2017

Good Thing Modern-Day Hillmomba Isn't 1600s Salem

I’ve had internet problems, my friends! Which started bright and early Wednesday morning, when I tried to take Shiba for a ride on the Information Superhighway. Sweet Gummi Mary! I might as well have been Fred Flintstone trying to merge onto the Autobahn through the courtesy of my two feet in my hollow-log cruiser.

You know my main suspect, right? That dude who came over to ask to use my internet! It HAD to be him! He’s the only thing that was different than usual about my internet. So he must be guilty! Off with his head, or burn him at the stake, or boil him in oil, or press him like a panini. Whatever they did to the witches back then.

Never mind that this dude used my internet on Sunday evening, and my internet continued to work for two days. He must have put a timer on it! A hex! Cursed me with eye of frog and tail of newt. I think that’s what’s best used for curses. I’d look it up for historical accuracy, but I DON’T HAVE INTERNET! Not while I’m writing this, anyway.

That really makes me mad. I’m more dependable than the post office, by cracky! I even post on CHRISTMAS DAY! And now, I’ve had to skip a day. That ain’t right. Somebody might be worried about me. Even when I was on a couple of deathbeds with my multiple bilateral pulmonary embolisms, I had the #1 Son and The Pony put a note on my blogs. Now I’m incommunicado. But I’m fine! Okay, so my nose is a bit out of joint, and my blood pressure is probably skyrocketing, and I’m secreting a bitterness more bitter than that woody divider part inside a walnut…but I’m fine.

The #1 Son said nothing this guy did could have caused my internet to lapse. Huh! I guess he must have been some do-goody layman lawyer back in his Salem witch-hunt days, making a dishonest living by saving witches all willy-nilly.

Alls I know is…next time that Farmer H's new best friend's husband dude rides his broom over here, he’s NOT using my internet.

Assuming I ever get it back, that is. Which, if you read this, I DID!


Sioux Roslawski said...

HM--I was going to email you. I WAS a bit concerned. It's good to know you weren't sick or hurt nor were you lolling in bed all day, eating bonbons and watching game shows.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Bonbons and game shows in bed, Madam? Sweet Gummi Mary! I thought you KNEW ME BETTER! It would be gas station chicken and reality shows in the recliner!

Please excuse my lack of ellipses and plethora of exclamation points.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I probably wouldn't have gotten the email, either, unless you have my real name email that blog buddy Linda has...because my phone isn't set to the one here or at my cat house.

Got in an ellipse, anyway!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I don't want to believe that I have come to NEED the internet ......but it would appear that I am attached to it's magical workings.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm sure you could find something to occupy your time without internet. You are a gal of many talents. But feel like there's something missing, like there's a GAPING HOLE in your life, without it.