You know my main suspect, right? That dude who came over to ask to use my internet! It HAD to be him! He’s the only thing that was different than usual about my internet. So he must be guilty! Off with his head, or burn him at the stake, or boil him in oil, or press him like a panini. Whatever they did to the witches back then.
Never mind that this dude used my internet on Sunday evening, and my internet continued to work for two days. He must have put a timer on it! A hex! Cursed me with eye of frog and tail of newt. I think that’s what’s best used for curses. I’d look it up for historical accuracy, but I DON’T HAVE INTERNET! Not while I’m writing this, anyway.
That really makes me mad. I’m more dependable than the post office, by cracky! I even post on CHRISTMAS DAY! And now, I’ve had to skip a day. That ain’t right. Somebody might be worried about me. Even when I was on a couple of deathbeds with my multiple bilateral pulmonary embolisms, I had the #1 Son and The Pony put a note on my blogs. Now I’m incommunicado. But I’m fine! Okay, so my nose is a bit out of joint, and my blood pressure is probably skyrocketing, and I’m secreting a bitterness more bitter than that woody divider part inside a walnut…but I’m fine.
The #1 Son said nothing this guy did could have caused my internet to lapse. Huh! I guess he must have been some do-goody layman lawyer back in his Salem witch-hunt days, making a dishonest living by saving witches all willy-nilly.
Alls I know is…next time that Farmer H's new best friend's husband dude rides his broom over here, he’s NOT using my internet.
Assuming I ever get it back, that is. Which, if you read this, I DID!