Monday, July 3, 2017

I Wanted To Say CRAM IT, But She Already Did

Today we return to the product-review subject matter. Or, more accurately, the review of The Devil's Handmaiden who slings the product.

It happened at The Devil's Playground over in Bill-Paying Town. At the deli counter. You know, the one where that policeman turned to me and said, "YEEESSSS?" when I approached to ask for some chicken wings. He wasn't there last week, and I wasn't looking for chicken wings. I was looking for chicken livers. And some of those wedge fries.

As I walked up to the deli counter, The Handmaiden scurried away, turning her back, busying herself with something on a counter in the inner sanctum. Another Devil's Handmaiden was waiting on another lady, who was getting sliced meat. I wasn't even near the sliceables. I was at the already-prepared area. So how much trouble could I be, really? The Handmaiden would only need to count, or to weigh. I'm pretty sure they do both about a hundred times a day. It was before noon. She couldn't have been burned out yet.

I was in the market for chicken livers for Farmer H, enough to last two meals, and those wedge fries. I don't think we've had any of them for at least a year, what with both boys gone, and me making wise choices. I did not plan on partaking, but Farmer H likes them. With all my purchases to be carted home and into the house, I didn't want to smash them. So when the Handmaiden deigned to come forward and snarl, "What can I get you?" I told her a large container of the wedge fries.

They were quite large, those wedge fries. The length of one of those tall containers. I assumed she would just put them in lengthwise. Maybe laying the container on its side and stacking them until it was full. I didn't specify poundage, or a certain number. I also asked for a large container of chicken livers. What could be easier? Just fill the containers, weigh them, and slap a sticker on them. It's not like trial and error to get me a pound of something.

Huh. You know what happens when we assume. Here is what I got.


Uh huh. The Devil's Handmaiden took her tongs and grabbed at those wedge fries and STUFFED them into the container. SHOVED them down, all willy-nilly, Destroyed the integrity of the wedges. SMOOSHED them to CRAM more on top. I swear, she tamped down those once-wedge fries like she was loading powder in her musket.

I was able to find a few unblemished wedge fries for Farmer H. The first meal. Let the record show that Jack and my Sweet, Sweet Juno reaped the rewards of the carnage a few days later.

What, exactly, is wrong with people these days?

5 comments:

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I really need to go shopping with you. I would have made her do it right, told her it was not acceptable and then if she didn't like that I would have asked for a member of management. I should give classes on customer service!

Sioux Roslawski said...

What is wrong with YOU? You need a store bouncer to go with you... someone who doesn't live in your neck of the woods, someone who isn't afraid to take on thoughtless cashiers/food workers.

What is wrong with saying, "I can't buy that container. Those aren't wedge fries anymore, thanks to your man-hands. You, in your inept way of treating the customer right but in your adept way in smooshing wedge fries, have transformed giant fries into mangled, half-mashed fries. Do it again, but this time, do it right."

Good grief. I can do things in a sloppy way. Maybe I need to open a grocery store around you country folk. I could ruin a bunch of **it and sell it all day long...

Sioux Roslawski said...

By the way, when your post (and the photo) popped up on my sidebar, it looked like an orange tabby crammed into a plastic container. Thank goodness it was only mangled wedge fries.

fishducky said...

People do not (or maybe cannot) think!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
Yes, you should give classes on customer service. You should also train those employees, making it clear that they're not too big for a whoopin'. AND reveal that you have a 55-gallon drum of whoop-ass out in your car, which you are just dying to open up!

***
Sioux,
I DO need a store bouncer. I will be interviewing Kathy at 1:00, and you at 1:30. You don't need a resume, but I WILL present you with a real-life scenario for role-playing purposes. Also, please bring a spare backbone to leave with me. You get extra points for your Julia Sugarbaker faux speech.

I think several storefronts are vacant, should you decide to follow through with your entrepreneurial venture. Including the one where Farmer H said he was going to deliver medicine for a pharmacy that wasn't marked with a sign.

Sioux 2,
No orange tabby was harmed in the making of this post. Wedge fries...now that's another story.

***
fishducky,
The way she crammed those fries in there reminded me of that scene in True Grit, where Quincy was supposed to be cleaning the turkey to cook for supper in Lucky Ned Pepper's hideout, and got mad and started hacking it to bits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zIhorOBLZM