Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Is Mrs. Hillbilly Mom The Only One Who Requires Three Vibrators To Make Her Comfortable?

My headache has finally ebbed. It lasted right at 24 hours again. Funny how that malady punches a time clock. I'm really starting to think it's the smoke from the casino. Even though I sometimes get a headache after being outside walking, or in and out of the car shopping for several hours, those never last very long, and acetaminophen will sometimes alleviate them.

So...I mentioned yesterday that the only way I've found to get relief from those headaches is a session (or two or three or ten) with my vibrator. I usually call it my head vibrator. I used to have one that was shaped like a little dog, white with a black spot on his back. No, I didn't call him Spot. Just My Dog Vibrator. That was a good thing, especially when out in public with my kids. No big deal if they said something about it. Even though some kinky people might have looked askance at me, throwing that word DOG in there kind of made it more acceptable.

Unfortunately, My Dog Vibrator wore out. And by wore out, I mean that it was dropped and broken. So I needed a new Dog Vibrator. I looked all over the internet. And by all over the internet, I mean I did a search on Amazon. There was nothing on there like My Dog Vibrator. You have to be careful doing a search for vibrators on Amazon, you know.

I'm pretty sure that back when I got it, that thing also came in different animals. Maybe a bug. I don't remember. They were marketed for kids with sensory issues. They were cute, and that hum and vibration soothed the kids somehow. Anyhoo...I finally found what I was looking for a year or so later. That was a LONG year without My Dog Vibrator.

The new ones I found at The Devil's Playground. It was around Christmas, I think. At least Christmas shopping season. Which was probably the day after Halloween. I first saw them, and though of getting one for my mom, because she got really bad sinus headaches that sometimes lasted three days, and made her teeth hurt, too. Then I decided this might be the time to give up on my quest for My Dog Vibrator, and try one of these. I think they were less than $5.

That new vibrator worked great! I went back for more, but they were out! Only one was in the box, and it didn't work. Maybe just a battery issue, but you can never be sure. Thank the Gummi Mary, I was able to find more after Christmas. Now I have THREE!

That's my stable of vibrators right there. They're all thoroughbreds, not a nag in the bunch! It's handy to have an extra in case one has to be put down. But mainly, I have three because I keep them in different rooms.


The purple one on the left resides in my dark basement lair. The pink one is on the TV tray that I use as a table next to my OPC (Old People Chair). And the blue one on the right sits on the table beside Farmer H's La-Z-Boy. The silver button on the front is the POWER that makes them vibrate. The ridges on the back are just for looks, I guess, or maybe a grip. They have a plastic flap door on their butt area that is where two AAA batteries belong.

They're really handy when you have a cold, too, and your head is all stuffed up. It relieves the pressure over your eyes or along the sides of your nose. When we go on a long trip, such as to Oklahoma to visit The Pony, I always make sure I take one along in the car. There's nothing more miserable than a throbbing headache when you're visiting your little Pony you only see a couple times a year now.

While still in high school, The Pony, with his dry sense of humor, never passed up an opportunity ask me about my vibrator. Usually in the presence of colleagues. "Mother, I bet you can't wait to get home to your vibrator." Or, "Don't you wish you'd brought your vibrator to use on your plan time?"

I really miss The Pony. Sometimes as much as I'd miss my vibrator if I didn't have it.

7 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

I keep reading and rereading this post, trying to see if it's just me or if there is something fishy in this post.

Is "basement lair," "TV tray" and "La-Z Boy" code names for something more risque? I mean, needing THREE vibrators! Are you skirting (hee hee) around X-rated topics and disguising them using a G-rated code?

Seriously, this might be the last time I read your blog unless you make some changes.

River said...

I don't think one of those would work for me. When I have a sinus headache (yes they make my teeth hurt too) or a migraine, all I want is complete stillness and deep dark quiet. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try one of those, I see them sometimes in shops here. They're called massagers.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Last time? You know you can't quit me!

My 13-year-old self appreciates your insinuations, but I am only talking about the various rooms where I stash my vibrators.

***
River,
I'm using one as I type this, because my headache has returned. There goes my casino theory, up in smoke.

A massager sounds like a person, while a vibrator sounds like...well...we'll leave that idea for Sioux.

fishducky said...

I'm SO glad I don't get migraines--at 83, I have enough aches & pains!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
I'm pickin' up what you're layin' down! My knees actually feel normal when I have one of these headaches. I think mine are more of the sinus variety, but The Pony gets migraines to the point he vomits and has to sleep it off. Now if that was Genius...well...it wouldn't be a migraine causing it!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

One of my tenants ordered a vibrator and it came in one of those padded envelopes ..... HeWho gets the mail in brought the shape of this one to my attention. It was not an animal. I don't think she ordered it for the same purpose you did.
I use a neti pot when I have a sinus headache. Everything comes out and then I use Flonase. I don't think I will be asking my tenant to borrow hers ......

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
Heh, heh! The scary part would be if she agreed to loan it to you!

I can't even imagine using a Neti Pot. I'd drown myself.