Thursday, November 9, 2017

My Big Little Guy Is Somewhat Frustrating

 Hey! Have you heard? Farmer H is completely retired now, and he's home A LOT!

Taking care of my aged toddler, the not-so-wee Farmer H, is sometimes frustrating. There's a reason why old people don't have babies. Your patience is all used up.

Talking to Farmer H is like explaining things to a toddler. They kind of hear WAH WAH WAH like Charlie Brown listening to his teacher. Or hear a bunch of lakelrkj lksodi ljlkjl; aerddaa THEN ONE WORD THEY RECOGNIZE sadkjhoj wererou slkj wererl, like a dog tilting its head at you then becoming excited when he hears TREAT or RIDE.

Sometimes it's like trying to explain English idioms to an immigrant who doesn't have time to go to ESL classes due to working three jobs to survive.

Tuesday evening, for instance, I was making some garlic toast to go with a pot of vegetable beef soup. Pretty simple, that garlic toast. I just buy it at Save A Lot in the freezer section, and pop it into the oven for five or six minutes. Turning once. Oh, I can make a mean garlic cheese bread, but it doesn't go with the soup as well as the frozen stuff.

Anyhoo...I leave the bread in the oven an extra minute or two. I like the edges to get crusty. The Pony did not, he liked the whole slice soft, so when he was here, I had to eat it his way, or put mine back in for extra time. News flash: The Pony doesn't live here any more. When I called Farmer H to the kitchen to dish up his towering bowl of vegetable beef soup, I told him

"You're getting it with crust, because that's how I like it."

"You want me to cut off the crusts?"

" you not want your crust?"

"I want it, but I thought you said you wanted it."

"No. I like it that way. The Pony didn't. I didn't warm it that long for him."

 "So I can eat my crust?"

"Yes, you can eat your crust."

"Are you having some?"

"Um. Yes. There are three pieces. You said you wanted two. So I'm having one."

"Oh. Okay. Because I noticed there was three."

Then Farmer H moved to the plate where I'd sliced 12 pieces of Oberle cheese to go along with the soup. You might not have heard of Oberle cheese, it being a local product around Hillmomba. It's a long tube-shaped piece of garlic cheese. When you slice it, you have pieces about the size of a 50-cent coin, a quarter-to-half-inch thick. Farmer H had said he wanted "three or four" pieces of cheese."

"So...I'll just take this...wait. Did you want some cheese?"

"Surely you weren't going to pick up that whole plate and take it! That's half the roll! Twelve pieces of cheese!"

"No, no. What did I say I was having? I'll just take four."

"Good. Because I'm having some, and I already set out a container for the rest."

Really. You'd think Farmer H was practicing to go on the competitive eating circuit. I couldn't even look when he piled up his towering bowl of soup.


Sioux Roslawski said...

Just think. If he was still working, he might occasionally be gone on a work-trip-to-Europe...

Nights when you would be alone to dine without having to taser anyone over extra garlic bread or over 12 slices of cheese...

Ah, good times...

River said...

I like the frozen garlic bread too, it's so much easier than making my own from scratch. I haven't seen frozen toast out here though.
I wonder is Hick being dense on purpose to get more food? Or is his mind just always on other things?

fishducky said...

Farmer H is funny. Both funny peculiar & funny amusing!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

It would be different if he said what he wanted. If he'd asked for 3 pieces of garlic toast, and 12 pieces of cheese, not a big deal. But don't tell me two and try to take three, leaving me with none, or try to sneak half of the Oberle cheese. Farmer H must be related to Lou Grant, who took HALF of the Veal Prince Orloff at Mary Richards' dinner party!

It's like Texas Toast. Only frozen.

I think Farmer H doesn't hear very well. He won't admit it, and also he can't be bothered to stop watching his junk shows to listen to me when I speak. So he's never quite sure what was decided upon regarding dinner.

Yes. Both. But I've heard his act too many times!

fishducky said...

I'm fishducky, not dishducky!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

My apologies! Of course there's a logical explanation...I see by the time notation that I wrote that set of comments at 4:34 p.m. I have to be outside to walk by 4:40, or darkness falls on the driveway before I finish. My procrastinating ways did me in! I was rushing, and didn't proofread.

You are very lucky, Ducky, that I didn't transpose the F and the D...

Kathy's Klothesline said...

He probably needs a hearing aid. HeWho was a drummer of the rock and roll variety has only himself to blame for his hearing loss. Maybe He was going to cut all the crusts off and give them to you, like Jack Spratt who could eat no fat .......

Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm pretty sure Hick needs a hearing aid. It's not ALWAYS a case of selective hearing now. Hick wasted his ear years working around machinery. Nothing cool like rock-drumming.

I'm pretty sure Hick WAS going to cut off his crusts and give them to me, because he thought I liked them that much, even though he admitted that he, too, enjoys the crust. So there's that. He might actually have been trying to please me this time.