I'm used to hearing odd sounds in my dark basement lair. Usually, though, I don't hear them within the lair itself.
night around 8:00, sitting at my desk, I thought I heard a piece of
paper flutter. That's not implausible. I have a lot of papers in my
office. Stacked none too neatly in some spots. I glanced peripherally,
to my left, to see if anything slid off. There was no sign of papers
A few minutes later, I heard it again. That put
my unexplained-phenomena senses on alert. Still, short of a sheaf
sailing across the lair and paper-cutting my jugular, I felt pretty safe
there in my rolly chair in front of New Delly. I forgot all about it,
played some Wordox on my Hoyle Puzzle and Board Games CD. A lot of
Wordox. I so enjoy whooping the butts of those mouthy computer cartoon
Around 11:30, I went out into the main basement
area to watch TV in my OPC (Old People Chair). A couple hours later,
nature called my bladder collect, with an urgent message. I took care of
business, with the door of the NASCAR bathroom open.
never used to do that. Even when alone in the house, I'd close the
door. But now, with Farmer H asleep since 8:00, and The Pony 490 miles
away at college, and Genius living in Kansas City with intentions
probably to return only for Christmases...I leave the door open.
finished, I started back to the OPC, and saw my nightmare, right
outside the bathroom door. Trundling along the base of the wall that has
my dark lair on the other side.
hate millipedes. I also hate feet, you know, and a millipede has A LOT
of not-even-real feet, at the end of those hairy-looking legs that flow
along like fringe. They are creepycreepycreepy. I despise them. Even
more than crickets.
was there to rescue me. Farmer H was upstairs, visions of auction-hoard
dancing in his head. I was on my own. I hurried back for a generous wad
of toilet paper (Charmin Strong) and inched over to wrangle that beast
from the side. I snapped him up and rushed to the toilet and flung him
in, then hit the flusher.
I think his head must have
popped off! Even though I was watching to make sure his body went down
(or UP, it's a basement toilet, after all), I couldn't see that critter,
because he was wrapped in the toilet paper. I'd felt something crunch
when I grabbed him. Okay, when I squeezed the toilet paper when I
grabbed him, to make sure he didn't flip out onto my feet. Yes, he was
mummied-up in the toilet paper, but a little black ball kind of thing
NOT POOP swirled round and round. I'm pretty sure I decapitated him.
I hope he doesn't have family out to avenge his death.