Like ships and planes in the Bermuda Triangle, scissors and rulers disappear in the Mansion. In fact, I can't think of a single ruler's location, other than my special 20-something-year-old MSTA ruler that I got for free, probably my first year of teaching. The only scissors I can find are in the kitchen silverware drawer.
Before you think that maybe Mrs. HM has simply misplaced a couple of office supplies over the course of her lifetime, let the record show that the Mansion was home to Genius and The Pony. Public school students who were bought school supplies each August. Those supplies always included a ruler and a pair of scissors. That's two boys. 12 grades of school. Which means 24 rulers and 24 scissors have simply disappeared into thin Mansion air. I always accused Genius of hiding them in a hollow under the floorboards. He loves office supplies as much as I do. In fact, his original dream career was "working at Office Max."
Anyhoo...this is the first week of October. The Pony's college money is split between a regular account, from which I draw out money each month for his expenses, and use to pay his rent and what fees his scholarship doesn't cover...and a CD. That CD comes due every year at this time, and I put a new supply of accessible funds into his regular account, and leave the rest to start a new CD. They give me a certificate for that, you know. It IS called a Certificate of Deposit.
Farmer H is in charge of the family jewels (heh, heh) and important paperwork. Not TAX important. I mean UPON DEATH important. Official papers that need to be stored in (one of) the safes.
Let the record show that for the past three years, I have not been able to take that certificate into the office to cash out that CD! Lucky for me (and The Pony, of course) that the credit union keeps a copy, and pulls it out for me to sign, and business goes on as usual. The point is...
HOW CAN FARMER H LOSE THAT CERTIFICATE EVERY SINGLE YEAR?
Oh, he found the original CDs for the boys, from way back in 2009. But that's not what I needed. Those are no good now. Genius is educated, his money used. And The Pony's decreases each year. Right now, the new certificate that I got on Tuesday is laying on the kitchen counter. I pointed it out to Farmer H.
"Here's the certificate for The Pony's new CD. You need to put it up. Where you can find it next October! I'm tired of going in there asking for their copy."
"I know. I'll put it somewhere safe."