The Devil Tries To Kill Mrs. HM With Kindness

A few weeks ago, I tried to buy some index cards at The Devil's Playground. You know, note cards. The 3 x 5 size, with lines on one side, and blank on the other. They are the most generic type of index card you can buy. Standard. Nothing fancy. I use them for grocery lists, jotting down the day's songs I like on T-Hoe's radio, and making notes about blog ideas. I used to have about six packs of them, but you'd be amazed at how quickly they get used up on a daily basis.

Well. I went to the office supply section (be still my heart!) to pick up a couple packs of lined index cards. You wouldn't think I'd even have to qualify that with the "lined" modifier. They're standard in the office supply industry, one would think. But no. I found the shelf barer than Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard! Oh, there were index cards on the shelf. It wasn't barren of ALL index cards. Just barren of the standard issue index card.

I saw index cards with grids like graph paper. I saw totally blank index cards. I saw index cards with lines, but bright pink or green or orange. I saw index cards that alternated stripes of white and blue for each line. I saw index cards bound together at the top with a spiral. I saw 8 x 5 lined index cards. I saw 4 x 6 lined index cards. It was a virtual Bubba Gump's of index cards. But no 3 x 5 lined index cards.

At the checkout, The Devil's Handmaiden always makes small talk by asking if you found everything. Of course I had to reveal that I had not. I should have just kept my mouth shut. It's not like there's a Truth In Shopping Law. But NO. Silly Mrs. HM had to say that she had not found any 3 x 5 lined index cards.

The Devil's Handmaiden phoned the department, who declared that they DID stock them. She then called over a rover. Somebody to go back and get me some. As if I must be incompetent in shopping. You can imagine the joy this brought to the people behind me in line.

"I'll just take these blank ones off your total."

So the pack of unlined 3 x 5 index cards was removed. She set them aside. I waited. Because she wasn't going to give me a total until the rover brought back the ones I wanted. The people behind me in line could barely contain themselves.

"She's on the way up with some. It will just be a minute."

"That's okay. I don't mind. I'll look the next time I'm here. I don't want to hold up the line."

"No problem. She's bringing them up."

"Oh. I guess I must be blind. I'd hate to leave, with her going to all the trouble to bring them."

We twiddled our thumbs. The people behind me probably using it as an exercise to strengthen their thumbs to throttle me. The phone rang.

"We don't have them."

"Okay. Put back on the plain ones you took off."

The rover returned. "She's bringing some up."

"If you want, we can take off these plain ones again." Said the overly helpful Handmaiden.

"No. The plain ones are fine."

"She's probably bringing the colored ones."

"Yeah. I looked through everything back there. I'm not waiting. Sorry to make her bring them."

So...The Devil's Handmaiden rang up my order. And let me pay.

Seriously! STOP HELPING ME!