The Left Behind Olympics

It's not like I've been in training for this event my whole life. No siree, Bob! I'm a natural. No scheduled workouts. I compete when the challenge arises, and expect to win. Turns out my greatest competition is my sister the ex-mayor's wife.

Sis had a birthday this week. She sent me a text asking if Farmer H and I wanted to join her (and the ex-mayor, of course) on a jaunt to our new favorite casino. You already know the answer. We agreed to drive A-Cad (Sis tossed some gas money our way), and pick them up at their house at 11:00. The invitation was extended two days before casino day.

As with all our casino trips, I searched online, and through the mail offers for Farmer H and myself, to ensure proper usage of our FREE offers. Sadly, a FREE MONEY offer of $25 during this week fell by the wayside, because it was excluded for the single day that we would be gambling. That's okay, though. Farmer H and I each had another offer of $20 in FREE MONEY for this specific day. Almost as good. I tore off the coupons and put them in my gambling purse.

We had plenty of time. Farmer H got up first, and headed to Lowe's for some lumber for a project that I shudder to think about, and refuse to ask. I took my time, took my medicine, took my driver's license out of my regular purse to put in my pocket, and took my shower. Farmer H got back home by 10:00, and we were ready to leave at 10:30. We had gone approximately 3/10 of a mile, having passed only one house on the way to the county road, when I told Farmer H

"STOP! I CAN'T FIND MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!"

Not that I was planning to drive, of course. But it's needed for identification purposes at the casino. To get your free money. And to get a big payout if you hit a jackpot. I had just put a Puffs With Lotion in my shirt pocket, and noticed that my license wasn't in there. I quickly searched my gambling purse. Not in the phone pocket, not in the player's card pocket, not in my money pouch, not in the pouch holding Chapstick (mint/tea flavor), lotion, a comb, and over-the-counter painkillers.

Farmer H put A-Cad in reverse, and backed up to and into our neighbors' driveway to turn around. Once back at the Mansion, I searched my last known whereabouts. My license was not on the kitchen counter where I'd laid it beside glasses case. Not on the back of the couch where I'd laid it while fetching my gambling purse from the living room end table. Huh. I went to the bathroom closet, to my around-the-house shirt I'd been wearing before my shower. AHA! There it was, in the pocket.

I thought of texting Sis to warn her of our delay, but we were still pretty much on schedule. Because I'd remembered my forgetfulness early-on. In fact, we pulled into Sis's driveway at 11:02. No apologies needed, in my opinion. So I didn't offer one.

Sis and the Ex-Mayor got in A-Cad's back seats. I gifted Sis with some Chex Mix left over from the batch I made Sunday for The Pony's Halloween care package. I did apologize for my Hillbilly Tupperware, since it was in two containers that once held deli chicken and deli ham. They are sturdy and lightweight, good for shipping. Farmer H apologized for my wrapping, which consisted of a plastic bag from The Devil's Playground, not even tied in a knot at the top.

We were cutting up and carrying on about a picture the Ex-Mayor had put of himself on Facebook. And making fun of Farmer H, who was wearing a bright red long-sleeved t-shirt (pointed out by Sis, who was memorizing our clothing for quicker reuniting for the buffet at 4:00), as well as an orange cap, and a glowing yellow lanyard around his neck holding his player's card.

"I FORGOT MY CARD!"

Said Sis, with a gasp.

"ME TOO!"

Sputtered the Ex-Mayor.

"Well, I'm sure you can get another one at the player's club desk. They always issue a new one. Farmer H has gotten one at almost every casino."

"Yeah. I guess that will be okay."

"We're not that far yet. I can drive you back home to get it."

So we turned around again, and drove about 1.5 miles back to Sis's house, before starting on our 90-mile trip.

I'm conceding the Gold Medal in the Left Behind Olympics to Sis. Because the whole trip was HER idea, and she picked which casino, so she should have known full well that her player's card was definitely an item to take. I'd set my license out, but only misplaced it. Sis had seemingly blocked out the concept of taking a player's card to the casino of her choice, on the day she selected to go, for a gambling trip for her birthday.

I'm claiming the Silver, though.