Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Let It Never Be Said That Farmer H Doesn't Have A Pot To Whiz In

Farmer H refuses to be unmasked. You saw what he left hanging on the support post of the carport. Now I hope to unpot him. Look what he has left affixed to the garage wall, even after being told in no uncertain terms to GET RID OF THEM!

Can you see them there? I can. All the way from the end of the driveway. Any passersby can see Farmer H's hoard showing.

As we get closer, they are more obvious.

White pots, against the weathered cedar siding. There's my buddy Jack, looking somewhat misshapen out of focus, peering over the side for scattering squirrels. Every time I start up the driveway, I guess those squirrels think I'm going to chase them off the cat kibble.


I find these white pots particularly hideous. I don't care how old they are, they don't belong on display on the side of my garage! I don't mind the old saw, but the pots have got to go.

"You need to get your chamber pots off the garage! Everybody who drives by can see them. They're hideous."

"They're not chamber pots, HM. They're dishpans."

"That bottom one looks like a loaf pan. They don't belong there. Move them  to one of your sheds."

"I'll think about it."

You know what that means. It's been three days, and still they hang. I don't mind the cast iron. Even though it gets all rusty, it looks like a decoration.


See how these skillets almost look like they belong? I guess Farmer H is ready for me to do some manual labor. He's got that saw on the wall, and the hoe, and this shovel.


One set of anything is never enough for Farmer H. I particularly like this little baby skillet on the bottom, though I think the spacing is off.


Farmer H does not live by skillets alone. He also has cast iron cornbread molds. They are acceptable. The white pots are not. They need to have their own special themed shed.

6 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

Why not have him spray paint the wash bowls (and the loaf pan... Is that a pan someone could pinch a loaf out into?) with some Rustoleum paint--maybe a neutral shade to blend in with the wood siding?

You're right about the spacing and the cast iron frying pans. The tiny one is just a bit off. (But hey, what do I know? I ain't no Martha Stewart...)

He obviously thinks he has some decorating talent. Perhaps he could launch his own magazine and give some cooking, shopping and decorating advice.

What would the magazine be called?

River said...

They do look out of place, being so white. Perhaps he could just move them to the back end where they won't be seen from the road.

Sioux, the magazine would be called Hick's Tricks and the loaf pan is one which would be used to bake cakes in a loaf shape, or perhaps small loaves of bread, back when people made their own. I had a similar loaf pan and used it to make rice pudding when the kids were little.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
River has the title: Hick's Tricks. I can't top that. Hick likes his old stuff in their natural condition, so I don't think he'd want to paint them. He said yesterday that he was going to move them, and PUT OTHER STUFF IN THEIR PLACE! That wasn't part of my plan.

***
River,
The HORROR! He says he's going to put them on the back of the MANSION! I've taken myself out of the frying pan and plunged myself into the fire!!! At least other people won't see them.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

While I am a fan of rustic d├ęcor, there is a stopping point. My friend Yvonne was known to stop on the highway and pick up hubcaps and bring them to me. She thought I might like to decorate HeWho's junk barn with them. Yes, but no. I want to camouflage that building with a 12 foot fence around it. I was as happy about her hubcaps as I am about the headless rabbits the cat brings to me! A magazine would not convey Hick's classy personality, it would have to be a TV show and if you call it Hick's Tricks, all manner of folk would be tuning in!

River said...

VETO the mansion!! Shackytown is the place for his collections.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
What we have here is RUSTY decor! I am having a chuckle about your hubcap supplier. We definitely don't want the viewers that Hick's Tricks would attract!

***
River,
It's already been done, but I haven't seen the new chamber pot location. Farmer H says it's on the back of the Mansion, but I am purposely not looking. The new garage arrangement is up, and I think I'll show that on my other blog.