Monday, August 5, 2019

Revealing My New Trick

You're never too old to learn! I think I've developed a new way to control Farmer H.

Let the record show that Farmer H enjoys watching old TV shows. He seems to have moved on from MASH for a while. His current favorite seems to be The Andy Griffith Show. He can tell me the plot of every episode, when I sit down on the short couch and make the mistake and asking what's going to happen. He knows as much about Andy Griffith as I know about Seinfeld. Anyhoo... it is obvious that Farmer H is not averse to the black & white format.

When I sit in the La-Z-Boy every morning, waiting for my medicine to digest, perusing the innernets on HIPPIE, I have the TV on. Not many good shows at that time. It used to be Beverly Hills 90210, but they moved it to 1:00. So I mainly have one ear on Charmed. But sometimes, I'll see what's on TCM. Some of those old black & white movies are pretty good, though I don't like many of them pre-1941.

Sunday, there was a Shirley Temple marathon, I guess. I caught the end of The Hagen Girl. Then saw the beginning of Almost a Bride. Resting after my trip to town, I got caught up in Kathleen. I still haven't seen the end. Don't tell me! I set it to record when I went downstairs for lunch.

Anyhoo... here's where I'm pretty sure I'm a genius. Once I'm ready to go downstairs, I put the TV on a channel I think will appeal to Farmer H. I even search ahead, to see what movies are coming up. He's a sucker for Bad Moms. And he also likes Road House. The trick is... if Farmer H comes in the house and sees something on TV he likes, he'll sit down and watch. Oh, he THINKS he'll only be there a few minutes. But he usually watches until the end.

Sunday, for instance. I heard him come home from his Storage Unit Store sometime between 3:30 and 4:00. I heard the La-Z-Boy. When I went upstairs to make supper, Farmer H was still watching TCM.

"Who's that? Shirley Temple?"

"Nah. That ain't her."

"I'm pretty sure it is. I was watching her earlier today. I know that's Cary Grant. Give me the remote. Uh huh! It IS Shirley Temple! See?" [The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer]

"Oh, well. It didn't look like her. I got to watching John Wayne earlier."

"John Wayne? I thought it was Shirley Temple day."

"It was the one where he's at a fort."

"Well. That could be most of them. I bet Shirley Temple was in it, though." [Fort Apache]

Not that it matters. Just pointing out to Farmer H his illogical reasoning. But the point I'm here to make is that I can kind of control Farmer H's movements by putting the TV on something that will lure him in! Then he doesn't come down to my lair and bother me, or ask me to go do something for him! I'm free as a bird until time to get his supper ready!

Of course, he's probably just being quiet, not even watching, while he plans the next scenario where he tries to kill me.


Sioux Roslawski said...

Perhaps you could control his TV watching and combine it with some subliminal suggestions. Make some small slides that you can insert into things you record for him... Perhaps a photo of lots of dollar signs, with the accompanying text, "Big money can be made at faraway colleges," and "Take your talents onto the road."

You might get him out of your hair for a week or so here and there...

River said...

I think you're on to something. While his mind is on the movie he can't be plotting his next "kill" move. I'd forgotten Shirley Temple was in Fort Apache. I'll have to watch it again and see, I have it on my shelf and lookee here, her name is right on the cover :)

Hillbilly Mom said...

His check from the college arrived Monday, so he might be thirsting for more! I would give him subliminal suggestions like "Fix T-Hoe's seat heater," or "Make garage door opener work every time," or "Clean your poop off the back of the toilet seat." Those take priority over getting rid of him. He finally pulled that camper out of the front yard and up to the storage units today. No TV watching until tomorrow afternoon!

I've never seen Fort Apache, but that's the title that popped into my head when Farmer H said a movie about a fort. I watched the end of the "Kathleen" movie. It had a happy ending, which was pretty standard back then, I think.

River said...

Darn, now I'm going to have to look up the Kathleen movie. I like happy endings.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I missed the very beginning of "Kathleen," so I'll be on the lookout for when it is shown again. Apparently, she's a little bad girl or psycho, because a psychiatrist had moved into her house by the time I joined the movie in progress.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

HeWho loves the history channel and that show about catching tuna. The history channel is interesting, except for the fact that it always seems to be the same two episodes. The fishing show is boring to me, like watching paint dry. I am happy to report that I have control of the remote most of the time, the precious two hours we unwind in front of the TV before we collapse in exhaustion every night.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Farmer H also loves the History Channel. He watches the Mountain Men, and those loggers. I like ALONE.