Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, though most of you know my sorrow...because I'm whining about it every doggone day!
Saturday, I had a late supper. Farmer H went to the auction from an errand (heh,
heh, I first typed ERROR) he neglected to tell me about. So I was on my
own feeding timetable. My plan was a ham sandwich, a side salad, and
some potato chips. Mmm...a 5-star Michelin chef in the making!
had a bag of shredded cheddar cheese that I opened, to sprinkle on my
salad. You know how they have that little notch in the side, where it
says TEAR HERE. They never tear. So I had to get out my kitchen shears
and cut across. Still wouldn't come apart there. So twice, I cut a
little deeper down, always careful not to interfere with the groovy
parts that re-seal the bag. I got it open, sprinkled my cheese, then
slid my fingers along the grooves to seal the bag.
would not take hold. No matter which side I started on. No matter how
accurately I peered down inside, and lined up the groove and the long
bumpy thing. It's always the same brand, the Great Value from the
Devil's Playground. I had to fold over the top a couple times, and use a
chip clip to hold it shut.
After slicing my tomatoes, I
reached for the salad dressing. It was a new bottle, bought this week
at Save A Lot. Lite Ranch. It's my favorite dressing. I peeled the paper
label off the lid. The top is one that flips open, with a little hole,
to squeeze out the salad dressing. First, though, you have to unscrew
the whole top on a new bottle, to pry off that cardboard seal on the top
of the bottle.
I could not get that plastic top to
screw off. I know that it's lefty loosey, righty tighty. I was turning it
the right way. I did it the normal grip, with my thumb pointed down.
And the opposite, using the heel of my hand to grip, thumb pointed up. I
also did this with a rubber gripper thingy, both ways. I tried my
gadget with the assorted hole sizes, to use leverage to open that lid.
I had almost resigned myself to letting that
dressing wait until Farmer H was home, and using the Ken's Steakhouse
Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing left over from Genius's Christmas salad. But
I really wanted my Lite Ranch. I laid the bottle on its side on the
kitchen counter, and
WHACKED IT WITH THE PIONEER WOMAN'S BUTT!
the actual Pioneer Woman, Ree whatshername. That would be frowned upon,
I think, and not very effective. No, I used the butt-end of my large
Pioneer Woman ceramic knife. One whack was all it took! I was shocked to
pick up that bottle, and turn the lid like it had been open for weeks.
When Even Steven makes one package uncloseable, he makes another one unopenable. Until I outsmart him!