Absence Makes The Residents Grow Suspiciouser

I know we've been gone a few days. From Wednesday morning around 10:00, to Friday evening around 5:00. It's not like we moved. Not like we only summer here, and have gone back to civilization. The Hillbilly family belongs in Hillmomba. We are staples here. Since 1997. One of the first five or six full-time residents of our enclave. If T-Hoe was a human, and our little subdivided former farm of a neighborhood was a bar, folks would raise a beer as he turned onto the gravel road, and yell, "T-HOE!"

Saturday I went to town to mail bills, pick up a couple of New Year's Day treats at Save A Lot, and get a 44 oz Diet Coke. I was gone about 90 minutes. As I came down Mailbox Hill, I saw a white minivan in front of me. It pulled over at the mailboxes, stopped in the road. I do this when I can. No big deal. I turned onto the gravel road and parked at the side, by the big rock next to the creek. I reached down to write on an index card. I jot down the good songs I hear, and play them on Spotify as I scratch my lottery tickets and check on my blogs.

Next thing you know, a horn was honking at me. I turned to see that white minivan sitting right beside T-Hoe, passenger window rolled down. Two ladies with long dark hair looked out at me. The younger one was the driver.

"Do you need assistance?"

"No...just getting my mail. I usually stop like that to get it. So I parked here to wait."

"Oh. I just saw you pulled off. People do bad things down here."

"I KNOW! All the time. It drives me crazy." I looked toward the handmade NO TRESPASSING sign.

"Yeah. Last night, there were some here doing very bad things."

"They do that a lot."

"So I just thought I'd ask what you were doing here."

"Oh, I'm glad you did! Somebody needs to do something!" (But not ME. I'm afraid they might crazily, weirdoly shoot me).

"Okay. I'm sorry about that."

"It's fine."

They drove on up the gravel road, and I got out to get my mail. I had a feeling that the passenger was turned around watching me, to see if I REALLY went to take mail out of a mailbox.

Come to think of it...I don't remember seeing that white minivan out here. WHAT IF THEY WERE STEALING MAIL?

Offense is the best defense, you know...