Here they are. The three boxes. I wonder what Goldilocks would have to say, if she broke into the Mansion and started snooping around my dark basement lair?
"Look! Valentine candy boxes! This one is TOO PLAIN!"
"This one is TOO FANCY!"
"But this one is...OOHHH EEMMM GGEEE! THIS ONE IS FULL OF CANDY!"
That's right. I picked up the boxes to throw them away, and the top one was suspiciously heavy! Further investigation revealed that the box was unopened! It was full of candy! I'd been sitting in my office with a FULL BOX OF CANDY behind me! Sweet Gummi Mary! What is the world coming too? Here I was, making wise choices, and I didn't even eat my Valentine candy!
For two years. Look at the BEST BY date on this box:
Can you believe it? I'm pretty sure that box was from 2015. Otherwise the date wouldn't have been so close to that year's Valentine's Day. That's the year I started making wise choices at the beginning of February. And that's the year my mom died, in early February, and things were kind of in flux for a while. So it's easy to see how stuff like Valentine candy could fall by the wayside. Or at least be set on the pull-out shelf of my old gray office desk and overlooked.
FOR TWO YEARS!
Is that not a bigger dark basement lair faux pas than having a critter roaming around in the clutter, or having a tower of that clutter topple over unexplainedly? To leave CANDY, brand-name, Whitman's Sampler, fine CHOCOLATE candy UNEATEN for TWO YEARS?
I am not an expert on chocolate. I do know that when Farmer H and I, and the boys, used to take a vacation to Branson every year with my mom and dad, we would stop in Lebanon (Missouri!) at the Russell Stover candy outlet. And when we bought candy, it was always past the BEST BY date. That's what a candy outlet does, you know. Sells candy for cheap because it's past the date. I think they even had signs saying that the candy was perfectly edible, but that chocolate sometimes turns a whitish color when it's past the BEST BY date. Thought it's still perfectly edible! I don't even remember seeing a discoloration on the treats we bought.
Do you think it's safe to eat? You know, one piece every now and then? Once the Thanksgiving replacement cheesecake is gone?
Not gonna lie. I'm thinking about it. I don't think I'll die if I eat it. And I don't think I'll die if I don't. After all...I've been able to leave it untouched for two years...
6 comments:
I'm surprised you didn't hear it calling your name!!
I say give it a try. As long as there haven't been extreme temperature variations in your basement lair, the chocolate shouldn't have discoloured. You may find some of the fillings a little dry though. and if you don't try, you'll never know and there's nothing worse than throwing out a box of perfectly edible chocolates. Well, throwing away cash would be worse, but I don't know anyone silly enough to do that.
The yucky ones (the ones with the nougat-y center, for example, or the coconut ones) are not going to be good two years late because they didn't taste good two years earlier.
Poke the bottom of each candy, find out what kind it is, and try them. I'm sure they're fine. (Maybe you could have one each day?)
fishducky,
I DID think I heard the phrase "EAT ME" every now and then. But I thought I was having flashbacks to rude people waiting in line with me.
***
River,
Yeah, I can't quit them. I'd sooner use my casino money for a good cause than throw away chocolates!
***
Sioux,
COCONUT ROCKS! Sometimes I feel like a nut, and sometimes I don't...but I ALWAYS feel like the coconutty goodness of a Mounds or Almond Joy.
Having one each day was how I rationed the other two boxes, so very long ago...I know that tactic will work. And in case they're NOT edible, I will be poisoned slowly, and not kick the bucket overnight.
Waste is just wrong! You should eat it!
Kathy,
I know, right? It would be practically criminal to throw it out! It's sitting on the pool table right now. Closer to my OPC (Old People Chair), just in case I want to indulge. The wrapper is still on, though.
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