You all know that Farmer H has a booming business at his Storage Unit Store. He buys stuff at auctions, and resells them at his SUS. He started with "merchandise" from those original 18 storage units that he bought. Seeing as how people like to see a variety of goods when they return each week, he combined his auction outings with his business.
Farmer H isn't greedy in the classical sense. He doesn't jack up the prices as high as he thinks the market will bear. He's actually happy to make just a little, on a lot of different items. He'll sell for a dollar over cost on the smaller items, and for as little as a $10 profit on things that might have cost him into the hundreds.
A couple weeks ago, he saw somewhere that The Devil's Playground was selling pocketknives for a dollar apiece. I don't know the brand, but they were regularly more expensive. The line was being discontinued. Farmer H knew he could sell them for $10 apiece, but he said he'd take $5. He wanted to get as many as possible, because pocketknives are a good seller for him. Men always want another, and grandpas buy them for their grandkids.
Farmer H drove all around our area, trying to procure those dollar pocketknives. He had limited success in a 30-mile radius. Sometimes he had to ask, and a worker would find them stashed under the desk by another employee. Which is against The Devil's policy. So Farmer H got himself a few pocketknives.
Anyhoo, in the midst of this buying frenzy, Farmer H was due to leave on his trip out west to visit his brother. He cancelled a doctor's appointment to get an early start on a Friday morning. He was meeting one of his storage unit buddies, who said he'd like a little vacation, around 7:15 a.m. Farmer H had plans to spend the night in The Pony's college town, and have supper with him. He was due to arrive around 4:00.
Funny how The Pony sent me a text that day, at 4:30, saying that his dad was going to be late.
"Dad took a wrong turn. He's running about two hours late."
Well. So much for a relaxing supper and some quality time at the casino. He did arrive eventually, a steak meal was enjoyed, and gambling ensued. Just two hours later than planned.
You know why Farmer H was late, don't you? He stopped at a Devil's Playground on the way, took a wrong turn coming out of the lot, had driven a half hour through unfamiliar territory when he discovered it. And was misdirected by his Garmin.
"I told my buddy, 'Look at that fence there. That's new since the last time I was out here. In fact, there's a lot of stuff they've done since then!' I kept thinking how everything was different. Then I figured out we weren't on the right highway! I punched it in the Garmin to go back, and it kept running me all over the place. It was trying to take me back to the turnpike, which we never take. I finally put in Muskogee, and it got me back to where we'd messed up."
Uh huh. You know why he stopped, right? Pocketknives. Which were sold out.
4 comments:
A knife in the hand is worth two... under the desk? In the back (of the store)?
Why is Farmer H so hesitant to make a little more than a minimal profit? $10 profit on an item worth hundreds doesn't seem right. It's almost as if he's trying to eek a slow living off his storage sales, like he isn't anxious to amass a huge pile of money so he can luxuriate at home, spending all his free time with you...
Hmmm.
Sioux,
That's my question exactly! Farmer H will spend a couple hundred on a gun. He knows what they're worth. He will only buy them from people he knows, or a pawnshop that keeps records. He's not about to deal in illegal arms. Other guys at the Storage Units sell guns. They charge about $40 more for the same model than Farmer H. So of course Farmer H makes more sales. For a while, he had a booming business with the Amish work crew that was being driven in from near Lebanon for a construction project. They appreciate a good handshake deal for cash, according to Farmer H, and know a bargain from a rip-off. One would make a purchase, and the next time bring a brother or cousin.
Anyhoo... I believe that Farmer H should forget about these low-percentage profits, and concentrate on his other merchandise that is less problematic, and gives a higher yield.
Funny how Farmer H doesn't want to consider my reasoning. Even though it might allow him more time basking in the glow of my presence.
Will Farmer H factor in the cost of fuel wasted getting around and getting lost to the eventual price of the pocket knives? I don't know anyone out here that owns a pocket knife. People used to have Swiss Army Knives but I don't know if they're still around. I know they're available, just don't seem to be a big thing out here.
River,
Of course he won't. That wasted money comes from OUR account, when paying the credit card used on his trip. Not out of his Storage Unit Store money, which is cash in his pocket and the safe.
I'd say 90 percent of the men, and about 50 percent of the boys in school carry a pocket knife around here. My mom carried one in her purse. Farmer H uses his every other day to cut a pill in half, even though I tell him they make a little tool for that, and the pharmacy sells them. I guess you never know when you might have to perform minor surgery, and need that knife.
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