A Day Filled With Mock-Blockers

Sweet Gummi Mary! Nothing is ever simple for Mrs. HM. I only wanted to dash into The Devil's Playground for the weekly groceries. It's not rocket science. Does not require detailed planning akin to storming the beaches at Normandy. All I had to do was park. Walk in. Throw items in cart. Pay. Walk out. How many things could go wrong?

I was off to a good start, nabbing a parking spot beside a cart return. On the way in, I spied an abandoned cart, thinking to push it in, because sometimes the ones inside are stuck to other carts by the child seatbelt. Hmpf! The cart I grabbed had a box in the seat. I picked it up to put in one of those finicky or old-people carts, that are smaller, with two tiers. That box had something HEAVY in it! It looked like maybe an oil filter or some under-the-hood necessity. And had wires attached! So probably not an oil filter.

Inside, a lady was browsing where I wanted to shop for prosciutto-wrapped mozzarella sticks. So I headed for the limes, where a mom and two school-age boys were loitering. The look on my ex-teacher face must have scared the older boy, because he got out of my way quick.

I headed for the individual packs of six mini-donuts (the best kind, the crumbly-coated ones), but an employee was fiddling around at that shelf.

Leaving there, I went down the aisle for dill pickles and mayonnaise. A big metal stocking cart was in front of the pickles, so I moved it. A big man with another big metal stocking cart was in front of the mayo. I didn't think it wise to move him! I rounded the corner to try the donuts again, but now TWO workers were "working" there, having a chat.

Off to the cracker aisle for Roasted Garlic Triscuits, but I couldn't get there for two women with their carts parked in the middle of the main aisle. So I took a detour to the Puffs, Charmin, and Tide. A man had his cart parked in front of the Puffs while looking at paper plates. So I moved on to the Tide, which I got without an issue. But then had to play a game of FROGGER to get back across the end aisle for my Charmin. Nabbed the Puffs on the way back to groceries, though.

The aisle for Farmer H's flavored water was blocked by the cart of a companion talking to a beeper-cart lady. I could have gotten by her beeper-cart, but he had to take up space there for no reason. I went down the next aisle (wine and lime-squeezer thingies!) and came back up to the water, making sure not to look happy in case he glanced at me. Because I'm passive-aggressive like that.

Of course the Diet Coke was blocked by a big metal stocking cart. I moved it. I don't know why The Devil's minions abandon their carts like that. The Diet Mountain Dew had a man in front of it, who seemed to just be resting, before moving on.

Heading back up front, I was again impeded by a main aisle blockage, this one being an old lady standing with her cart. Like she'd been left to wait for someone. School must not have been in session, because shoppers were towing a couple kids apiece along that aisle behind their carts.

I darted across to go up the down aisle, and managed to get my mayo and crumbly mini donuts on the way back up front.

Putting bags in my cart, I noticed that the lady ahead of me had left some material and a yellow tape measure on the cart carousel. I gave it to the checker to hold in case she came back.

On the way out the main doors, I saw a dude headed across the people-walk. He was adjusting his junk inside his gym shorts. I KNEW he was going to come right at me, in the OUT doors. He did. I'm psychic like that. A dude who will adjust his junk in public doesn't much care what people think of him for going IN the OUT door. I'll be darned if an old lady didn't follow him in! She wasn't touching anything private, though.

So much for dashing in for groceries. So many people dared to MOCK MY EFFORTS! The trend continued. More on that tomorrow, maybe...