Dog Beans

Farmer H and I finished off the pot of beans on Thursday night. Not finished it, like eating every last bean, and licking the pan. I mean finished it, like eating all we wanted, after having them for three nights, and setting aside the remainder for the dogs.

We were quite economical with our pot of beans. All that was left was a foam bowl (like the size of a soup bowl, not a tiny little snack bowl). I let it sit on the counter overnight, so it wouldn't be cold when I fed it to the dogs. Not that they have a preference, of course. A treat is a treat.

You'd think those fleabags would love such a treat! No onions or peppers on it. Just beans and ham, with peanut butter from that unfortunate legume faux pas discussed elsewhere. I know dogs like peanut butter! I've seen lots of videos of people giving their dogs peanut butter...

Anyhoo...when I came back from town, those dogs were all excited and frisky. Part of it was the weather, I think, with freezing rain on the way (allegedly). They bounded around, yipping and wagging. I stepped into the kitchen, and was momentarily discombobulated at deciding what method I could use to distribute the beans to the dogs.

I knew they would not gather 'round a single bowl and take turns lapping out their treat. Nor did I want three foam bowls on the porch. Besides, I think it would be difficult for a dog to hold a foam bowl steady for licking purposes, even my little Jack, who uses his paws almost as well as a raccoon. I didn't want to pour the beans on the bare porch. They would leave a stain if Farmer H's hand-brushed waterproofing was wearing off. Then I had the most scathingly brilliant idea...

I took three slices of stale Nutty Oat bread out of the bag that has been their daily treat. On each slice, I slapped a dollop of beans. They're thick beans. Not runny. Almost as thick as a tower of Farmer H's serving of vegetable beef soup.

While I was doing this, Jack stood with his toenails on the threshold. I leave the door open when a treat is coming, so they know to wait, and not disperse in favor of silly activities like squirrel-chasing. Juno retreats to her house, but it was taking so long that she shouldered Jack out of the way. Juno won't enter the kitchen, but Jack will. Except when Farmer H is inside, which he was. Copper Jack waited behind Juno's house, like a proper gentleman.

Jack got the first slice of bean bread. It takes him longer to eat, with his tiny mouth, and I don't want the others rushing up to take what's left after they are finished. Juno got the second slice, which was actually a sandwich, since I had four slices of bread. Juno is the queen bee, and gets extra. Copper Jack stood his ground, neither lunging nor retreating, as I set down his portion.

When I turned, I saw that Jack had dragged his slice five or six feet across the porch, to the side of Juno's house, leaving a trail of beans. That silly dog wanted the BREAD more than the beans and ham.

Maybe that's telling me something about my beans...