Thursday, January 9, 2020

If You Make A Man A Salad

We had a ham left over from Christmas. Not a big expensive ham, just a fully baked, sliced ham that I thought we'd need with the boys here. Well. The Pony declared that he really doesn't like ham, due to the texture. And Genius and Friend only ate the Christmas dinner, and possibly one meal of leftovers. Farmer H and I finished off the ham that I'd baked then. But we still had this other small ham, which EXPIRES on January 17.

I said I'd make some roasted potatoes/carrots/onions, and we'd open the remaining ham. I put a third of it in foil in the freezer, to add to beans next week. I also told Farmer H that I could make a 7 Layer Salad. We both like it, and I had half a block of cheddar left over from the Christmas salad. The bacon would be used on top of the roasted vegetables for flavor. I already had romaine lettuce, and eggs, and mayo. So all I really needed to pick up were green onions and peas.

No good deed goes unpunished, you know.

As soon as I got up, I boiled the eggs. Even after sitting in cold water for an hour, they were the devil to peel! I usually let them sit in FRIG II overnight. They came out all pockmarked because that little skin wouldn't loosen from the egg white. Still, nobody cares when eggs are diced in a 7 Layer Salad.

I forgot to lay out the peas overnight, so I poured them onto a paper-towel-lined paper plate to hasten their thawing. After three hours, there were still ice crystals stuck to some of the peas. I rubbed them with a paper towel, and ended up picking about 50 ice crystals off the peas. If left on, they melt to water at the bottom of the salad.

The romaine chopped without a hitch. As did the green onions. Farmer H arrived during that stage, and threw a complete monkey wrench into my routine. As I always tell him, something goes wrong whenever he's around. He's an Olympic-level distractor.

I'd just finished peeling all the eggs, and chopping all but one. I called Farmer H. I know I heard the dogs barking at his Gator. I figured he was nearby, and could come in and have the roasted vegetables that I'd just taken out of the oven, and a boiled egg, for his lunch. No answer. Straight to voice mail. So I chopped the last egg, and put them in FRIG II until their layer came up. I tossed the eggshells off the back porch, to the disappointment of Jack, who was hoping for a treat. Within a minute of re-entering the kitchen, Farmer H showed up. Claiming that he'd heard me on the porch, and I should have called to him if I wanted to give him an egg!

Anyhoo...Farmer H decided to make a bologna sandwich to go with his vegetables. He pinned me to the cabinet with FRIG II's door while getting it out as I was trying to get the salad bowl. Then he tried laying down the vegetable spoon on the counter while I was putting romaine in the bowl. Horrified at this greasy faux pas, I sharply told him to PUT IT ON THE PAPER PLATE I had laid out for just such items, already containing the fork I'd used to stab the carrots to test done-ness.

Then as I was pouring the de-iced peas onto the layer of green onions, Farmer H asked if I could get out of the way so he could get a fork. Or if he could have the one on the paper plate. YES! TAKE IT! I had three layers in. Four to go. I spread the mayo on top of the peas, once Farmer H was out from underfoot.

IT WAS THEN THAT I REALIZED I HAD MADE A MAJOR MISTAKE!

The diced egg layer belonged on top of the green onion layer! Crap! I dumped the diced eggs on top of the mayo. Then the shredded cheddar on top of the eggs.

OH DOUBLE NO! I FORGOT TO PUT THE TWO TABLESPOONS OF SUGAR ON TOP OF THE MAYO!

Well! I was beside myself. All that work, and now the layers were out of order, and an ingredient had been left out. Four hours down the drain!

Farmer H, from the La-Z-Boy, denied that he was the fault. I'm pretty sure that without distraction, I could have made my 7 Layer Salad that I've made for years. After four hours of hard labor, I think I should be allowed to point a blamey finger!

Anyhoo...I shook that sugar on top of the shredded cheddar, then added the chopped bacon. Farmer H says it all gets mixed up in the bowl when you dip out a serving, anyway. And mixed up when you take a bite. Still. After FOUR HOURS of work, I had higher expectations.

Let the record show that it is now 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday night, and I have not tried the food yet. I didn't get lunch until 4:00. So my verdict is still out.

Farmer H, though, says of the 7 Layer Salad: "I ate it!" Such a ringing endorsement...

4 comments:

River said...

Sugar?
TWO TABLESPOONS of SUGAR??
In a salad.
A salad which is supposed to be a healthy food option and savoury.
I may never recover from this.

To peel a boiled egg, stand the egg upright, tap the base sharply on the chopping block, then tap the tip sharply on the chopping block. Lay the egg on its side, then use your palm to firmly roll the egg back and forth until the whole shell is a mass of cracks. Then it should peel easily.

Hillbilly Mom said...

It's a big salad, and the sugar is not tasted when layered on the mayo. The salad is still savory, unless you think the peas make it sweet. I suppose it would be the same if I used Miracle Whip instead of mayo and sugar, since Miracle Whip has a sweet taste to me.

Without the sugar, which I've forgotten completely ONE TIME, the salad just tastes a little off. Not non-sweet.

That IS how I peel my boiled eggs. They seem to benefit from a night in FRIG II. I also notice that the fresher the egg, the harder to peel. When we had our chickens, the eggs, while much more flavorful, were almost impossible to peel when boiled.

Sioux Roslawski said...

I have not tried this, but it makes sense that it works.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/daniellaemanuel/hard-boiled-egg-hack

They say you have to have the egg still warm, and the water cold, to "shock" the egg (like you would if you wanted to peel a fresh tomato).

I don't eat anything that has a boiled egg in it--the rest of the salad would be delicious, I'm sure.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
I have probably peeled enough boiled eggs to make a smelly belt around the earth's equator, if they were laid end to end. Here's the thing. I can treat them exactly the same way, yet a few eggs from the same carton, boiled at the same time, cooled the same way, will NOT want to peel. Let those EGGsperts explain THAT!

There used to be some gadget advertised late-night, on the off-channels, where you put the egg in it, and held it under the faucet. It was supposed to peel the egg perfectly every time. Online reviews said otherwise.