Since my in-home spa day was such a success, I just might take the advice of blog buddy Sioux and open a spa here at the Mansion.
I think we might name it "A Touch of Crass." We'd cater to an elite clientele. Our motto would be: "If you're out road-walkin', don't come a-knockin'." No hot springs or mudbaths, but we could take clients down to The Creach for a soak. Surely you remember The Creach, our creek beach that is so popular that people drive in from miles around to hang out there.
The Pony would assist me with running A Touch of Crass. He's highly qualified. His specialty would be foot massage. And by that, I mean he would give full-body massages, using his FEET. The clients wouldn't know it, because they'd have cucumber slices over their eyes. And with The Pony's extra-long toes, they'd think it was fingers anyway.
For an extra fee, clients could enjoy a bubbling water massage in Poolio. No jets to propel the water. That would be Farmer H's job. He's really good at bubbling pool water. There's no need for clients to know that the water in Poolio is the same water that's been in there for 15 years. Though I WILL include the details on this Buttwater Soup in the fine print of their release form.
Make your reservation today! A two-hour session for the low, low price of $200. Plus a 50% gratuity. We also offer support dogs...for a price not yet determined. Also take note: NO MASKS ALLOWED.
6 comments:
Oh, I think I'll wait until the fervor dies down, along with the line. Once the crowds thin out, I'll make my reservation.
Believe it or not, I know someone (a licensed massage therapist) who massaged clients with her feet. She has a bar installed in the ceiling so she can hang on, and she "walks" on them. I think they pay extra for this. They love it.
I'll send her your name and address, so she can send pamphlets... complete with photos.
Of feet.
You might even be able to pull in some illiterate pot smokers, who think your spa is "A Touch of Grass." The Pony could fill them full of cheap munchies (that have high price tags) and then send them on their way...
Oh. Err...Ummm...No thanks. I'll pass.
Now if you were to put FRESH water in Poolio instead of the 15 year old stuff, I might be almost tempted.
Sioux,
Siouxt yourself! There is no social distancing at A Touch of Crass. We'll sit people on strangers' laps if need be.
As for your friend with the NO-THANK-YOU pamphlets, we call that something else around here, and it's NOT got 'licensed' nor 'therapist' in the name.
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Sioux 2,
Perhaps The Pony could bake the baked clientele some brownies. If only his brownie-maker was not just a brownie-maker box filled with random wires...
I could also open an off-shoot spa called "A Touch of Sass," and treat folks to my standup routine. Laughter IS the best medicine, you know.
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River,
I have lobbied for fresh water in Poolio EVERY YEAR! Don't cost nothin'! It comes from our well. Not the kind you dip a bucket into. The regular well where all our water comes from. All Farmer H has to do is run a hose from out by the entrance to Shackytown, around the side of the Mansion to Poolio.
Since I don't partake of Poolio's charms, my opinion is disregarded. Farmer H and The Pony are content to wallow in Butt-Water Soup.
I will submit my two cents worth here. The pump that brings the water out of the well does increase your power bill..... just saying. Maybe not as much as mine because my pool holds over 60,000 gallons of water. But, like you I don't get in unless it has been freshly cleaned and shocked!
Kathy,
Farmer H DID mention the pump when he was talking about checking the electric bill due to all the hot water usage... At least we don't have to pay for how much water we use, and how much water runs down the drain, like when we had the rental duplex in town. A toilet that kept running (unreported by the renter) cost us a pretty penny!
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