Sunday, May 3, 2020

Farmer H Is More Of A Hunter Than A Gatherer

I hope Farmer H doesn't run afoul of the law, and have his phone searched. Not that he'd do anything illegal, mind you. He's not a scofflaw. Even though he told a county deputy one time that if a certain fellow came onto our property, he'd shoot him. That's blown over now. I think that guy is even dead. And not because of Farmer H.

Anyhoo...if Farmer H's phone is searched, he's going to have his face on the wall of the post office as Public Weirdo #1. Just last night, he took a picture of: a bottle of acetaminophen, a stick of antiperspirant, a bottle of Equate Acid Reducer Complete, and a canister of Great Value Sugar Free Chery Limeade Drink Mix.

It's not like he has a physical copy, and is carrying them in his wallet like a proud grandparent. But they ARE on his phone, because he can't follow a grocery list. Farmer H has volunteered to go inside The Devil's Playground on Sunday, after he closes up his Storage Unit Store. Good for him! I haven't stepped foot in the Devil's domain since they started limiting the number of shoppers, and made the aisles one-way. I definitely don't want to be there on the first weekend of the month, on the day that Stay-At-Home-Down sanctions are lifted!

Farmer H wants soda more than he wants to avoid the Devil. His Diet Mountain Dew was four 6-packs for $11 at Country Mart. I did not buy them! They're only $2.50 each at The Devil's Playground. So I made a list of other items we need. Farmer H is not good with lists.

Of course, I imagined that he would take ONE picture, with the four items sitting on the coffee table. But no. He posed each one separately.

Anyhoo...I've made his list in aisle order. It shouldn't take him long. Unless he gets distracted by his phone.

4 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

Can't you take those four ingredients and make a knock-off version of meth? Maybe you could spread around that rumor... and then do some name-dropping of people who are searching for exactly those four items...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
I am not well-versed in the ingredients for meth. I intend to keep it that way, preferring to have my head ATTACHED to my body, and for my body itself not to end up in a septic tank a half mile up our gravel road.

All I know is that some allergy medicines are used, because my mom was afraid to pick up my niece's prescription at the Devil's Playground pharmacy, lest they think she was "making THE METH."

River said...

$2.50 for a six pack?? Wow that's cheap. I don't know what the price is here, I don't buy that stuff, but I bet I wouldn't find any under five or six dollars.
I think the photos are a great idea, all he has to do is match the pictures to get the right things.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
The Devil's Playground has it cheap! But not Country Mart. Sending Farmer H shopping without a picture would be a disaster.