Manspreading, mansplaining, and now manSTANDING! Hillmomba has not escaped the nuances of man culture. Sure, it was easy back in the caveman days, with only manhandling to deal with. Now there's a a plethora of manhaviors. It's getting very hard to delineate exactly which one is causing my current outrage!
Sunday afternoon, I came in the kitchen door as Farmer H was getting ready to run out the front door. I was returning from town, and he was fresh of his Devil's Playground promenade. Farmer H came back to the kitchen as I was handing my Sweet, Sweet Juno a bone from a BBQ pork steak. He stood in the gap between the end of the kitchen counter, and the wall to the laundry room. One-way traffic there. And NOT because of social distancing. It's about a 4-foot span.
I was in no mood to stand on the far side of the kitchen sink and chat with him. I had 44 oz of Diet Coke that needed double-cupping! And a new used iPhone 8 to restart! Yet there he stood, taking up the entire opening, to tell me what he'd gotten (and not) from the shopping list.
"Okay. Let me through. I don't like getting all up on people."
"I'M NOT GETTING UP ON YOU!"
"That's not what I said! I said I DON'T LIKE GETTING ALL UP ON PEOPLE! Egoist! It's not always about YOU! I tell you all the time, I don't like being that close to people. Give me some space."
Farmer H backed off to the other side of the cutting block, allowing me to multitask while he told his tale. How can someone be so dense as to block the only path into the operational part of the kitchen? He might as well have met me at the door, and stood on the threshold, filling the whole jamb! Who does that?
Oh, wait. Never mind. It's a man's world.
6 comments:
My PITA does the same thing. He will stand in our narrow hallway, or walk really slowly, making himself a slower-than-molasses-in-January obstacle.
Maybe you need to rewrite the lyrics to "It's a Man's Man's Man's World"?
Sioux,
Said in my best NEWMAN voice, while looking diabolical: "Maybe..."
More specifically, I guess it's a man's man's man's man's hallway. Or kitchen gap.
Ha Ha, he's a Space Invader!
How long have you two been together? You'd think he'd know by now that you don't like getting close enough to breathe his air. I dislike it myself.
River,
He is! It's been 30 years. Farmer H is a slow learner.
Not only will he block my escape from a room, he will gesticulate wildly with his hands while talking, making it impossible to try ducking under his arms. He would appear to be totally unaware of my predicament.
Kathy,
Farmer H only gesticulates when he is spittin' mad. Maybe HeWho could pick up some extra work as a flagman on an aircraft carrier. That would give you a little time to yourself...
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