My Sous Chef Might As Well Have Been Soused

Wednesday evening, I made Farmer H's dream meal. Don't expect anything fancy. Don't lament your lack of an invitation. He wanted something with hamburger, in brown gravy with mushrooms. For sides, he chose macaroni and cheese. And instant mashed potatoes. It's not like I had to attend cooking classes to whip it up. I can read a package, I can open a can.

Anyhoo... I had patted out the hamburgers, and was reading the macaroni/cheese box, when The Pony roused himself from the long couch and his computer, to come check out the kitchen. It's like opening a can of cat food within hearing of a cat.

"Do you want salt and pepper on your hamburger?"

"Both. Here. I'll fill the salt grinder, and put batteries in the pepper grinder like I meant to the other day."

Of course he needed batteries from the drawer in front of where I was standing. And paper plates (to make a funnel to channel the salt) from the holder on the counter where I was standing. Of course once re-batteried, the pepper grinder didn't work. So he had to put the old ones back in, which were on their last gasp of power. And fetch his own salt grinder, since he'd already thrown away the batteries for the salt, which he had decided to replace on principle.

"Can you hand me the pans? And the colander? And put away the milk. And stir the noodles while I get the potatoes ready?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you going?"

"To get the colander."

"Um. It's not under the sink. It was in the stack of pans where you just got these two."

"Oh, yeah. I knew I saw it somewhere."

The noodles started to foam up. The Pony blew across the top of the pan. That dissipates the foam, in case you've never tried it. But I'm sure you have.

"I don't remember the noodles doing this when I make macaroni and cheese. But I don't use this box mix. I do the microwave individual ones."

"Oh. Turn down the burner to Medium High."

Next thing I knew, the water had stopped boiling at all.

"Did you put that on Medium High? That usually works. A slower boil. Maybe it's that burner. Put it on the mark halfway between, to heat it up again."

When I looked, the water still was not boiling.

"What did you put that on?"

"The mark halfway between."

"No way." I moved to look at it. "PONY! You turned it DOWN even more! Put it on the mark halfway between, like I said!"

"I DID!"

"You put it on the mark halfway between Medium High and MEDIUM!"

"Because you said!"

"No. It wasn't boiling. Why would you turn it DOWN even lower? I meant UP, halfway between Medium High and HIGH!"

We won't go into The Pony's assorted other excuses to show that obviously this was MY fault... It wasn't even as if he'd imbibed half a bottle of his CHOCOLATE wine, like he did with supper the night before. I really DO appreciate his help. Even if it slows me down.

At least he was able to get his own pickle out of the jar, to put on the plate beside his hamburger.