Muffy And Mandy And Bitsy And Babs Probably Slip Him Double-Stuffed Watercress Sandwiches

Today I want to air a small complaint about Farmer H. I KNOW! Such a behavior is totally uncharacteristic for Mrs. HM. But just for this one day, I have a minor axe to grind. A mini axe. More of a tiny plastic sword used to skewer fruit in mixed drinks. 

I'm sure this peevishness is simply a result of 31 years 2 months of marriage cabin virus fever. But here goes:

FARMER H EATS FINGER FOODS LIKE A DAINTY DEBUTANTE!

What in the NOT-HEAVEN? He's a grown man. Overgrown. Rough around the edges. He's even been known to put his overalls on backwards, only noticing a problem when he couldn't buckle the straps. He puts his clipped toenails in my mixed-berry candle on the mantel! Pees off the front porch. Takes a dip in POOLIO in his tighty-whities, or even worse, NOTHING AT ALL! 

Yet when he is served a food suitable for finger-eating, Farmer H grasps it with his thumb and forefinger, and holds up his remaining three fingers. The sight HORRIFIES me! The optics are so very wrong. Like a hippopotamus in a tutu. A sumo wrestler in a bonnet. A maximum security prison with windows made out of that candy glass used in movies.

I was triggered on Sunday afternoon when I gave Farmer H one of my Dairy Queen soft pretzel sticks. Oh, how I wish I hadn't turned to see him debutanting it!

This is not a new behavior. Right after we were married, and used to go to a Chinese restaurant over in Bill-Paying Town, Farmer H would eat his chicken wings like that. THE HORROR! I have mentioned to him that it is not a good look. Farmer H is not pickin' up what I'm layin' down. He also eats his Casey's donuts like that, but at least he's usually enclosed in a vehicle when that happens.

I am facing Super Bowl Sunday with trepidation. Farmer H prefers an array of finger foods.