No. There are no more lyrics. Too much to type. Which is hard with seven fingers and two thumbs. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I deserve a stern talking-to, or a retired-people safety class. Or to be dipped in divinity fudge, wrapped in meringue, and stuffed into a giant cannoli for my own (delicious) protection.
Who would have thought that reaching for a half-moon cube of ice in FRIG II's icemaker bin at 7:15 a.m. would be so dangerous? Not this old gal!
There's the wound. Let the record show that my lair desk is not green-tinted. Nor do my fingertips have bulbous ends like the toes of a tree frog. I don't know what's going on with my SamGalA5, but that darn phone can't take a decent picture of my injuries when my hands are involved.
It was my middle finger. The BAD FINGER, as my kids used to call it. Not mine specifically, mind you. But in general.
I had gone upstairs late for bed (!), after falling asleep in my OPC (Old People Chair). I was checking inside FRIG II's freezer to make sure the icemaker was working. Sometimes it gets jammed by a pile of ice holding up that little lever. So it thinks it's full when it's not.
Uh huh. There WAS a logjam of ice cubes. I reached back to knock them away from the back ledge of the bin, and into the bin proper, so the lever could close up, and signal that it was okay to dump another load of ice.
YOUCH!
I might just as well have reached my hand into a nest of vengeful baby scalpels! The pain was intense! Some of those half-moon cubes are hollow inside. They don't freeze all the way. Which makes them freeze together in a clump, with the half-sides of the cubes in various stages of closing over. This one was razor sharp.
I turned my hand over, to see if there was an actual cut, or if it was like a papercut, painful, but a superficial slice. It LOOKED okay. I reached back to knock that clump down, from a different side, and saw a smear of blood on the white plastic back wall of the bin.
Sweet Gummi Mary! Do you know how hard it is to clamp a thump on your bad-finger tip to staunch the flow of blood, while trying to wipe off a blood smear with your index finger? Pretty gosh-dang hard! Blood freezes! That feat was impossible. Nor was it easy to open a band aid with one hand, and peel off the strips, and put it on the bad-finger to keep me from exsanguinating overnight!
Of course the next morning (by that I mean 11:30 a.m. after a few hours of shut-eye), I was making a pot of chili. Requiring the dicing of onions. That was not possible to do with a band aid on the end of the finger. The cut kept opening up every time I washed my hand or squeezed too hard on my Pioneer Woman ceramic knife handle. I DID manage to keep the finger off the food, even without one of those little finger-condom thingies they make cuttees wear on those cooking shows.
I've been through two band aids today. I'm currently between handwashings. Every tap on the keyboard reminds me that I'm injured.
Retired clumsy ice-addicted people problems.
6 comments:
I just finished Obama's most recent book. He had an advisor who was apparently fond of "colorful" language--Rahm Emanuel. Obama roasted Emanual once, and said, "Rahm got his middle finger cut off by a meat slicer, rendering him mute."
Yes, I'm soooo sad that the ice and slick roads do NOT mean a snow day for you. Luckily, we are still in-person. If the snowstorm/icemaggedon is not forecasted (if it's a surprise)... and if the kids are NOT told to take home their devices... we can still have a snow day.
I cannot wait.
And to paraphrase what Michelle Obama said... When they throw their trash LOW into your sinkhole, you toss things HIGH into the air and over their fence/into their yards.
Britney Spears?
Why would you have to open a bandaid one handed? You have a perfectly good thumb and forefinger on the injured hand and a whole other hand.
Next time you want to unblock the thingy, use the handle of a wooden spoon. Save your fingers for more important things, like picking up pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.
Sioux,
For a minute I confused my scandals, and thought Rahm Emanuel was Anthony Weiner, and thought he was lucky only his MIDDLE FINGER was cut off! Then again, I sometimes confuse AW's alias of "Carlos Danger" with "Pierre Delecto." So many scandals, so little memory room...
Oh my gosh! I am thrilled that you still have the possibility of a surprise SNOW DAY! I hope you get 36 of them, like we had during my first year of teaching down in Mountain Grove, Missouri. Good thing we didn't have to make them all up, by special decree.
The Pony needs to watch his hindquarters, because he might be what gets tossed HIGH into the neighbor's field. He took the dumpster up too late last Wednesday, after multiple reminders, and it's still full of Christmas trash. He literally has ONE JOB TO DO.
SIOUX 2,
Yes. Britney. The only song I know. Part of.
***
River,
They're cheap bandaids, without the little flaps you pull apart. So I had to use my teeth to tear one open. My thumb was holding a Puffs With Lotion on the cut, so blood didn't drip all over the kitchen.
All these years, my fingers have unjammed the ice clumps without incident. NOW I'll know to use a spoon. The cut is still coming open after washing the dishes, or taking a shower. Surely it will start healing from the inside out. I don't like wearing a bandaid, but I don't want to get the cut full of gunk if I have to pick up a penny in town!
I have noticed that my skin seems to tear easier as I age. Things I have always done with my hands seem to open my skin. Then there is Bo, aka Spawn of Satan, and his tiny toe nails ripping open my arms and legs as he vies for my attention.
Kathy,
Yes, my skin is getting thinner and more rippable. That little beast Bo might need you to make him some mittens.
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