The Sinew, The Squeal, And The H-Probe

I am more than a little bit peeved with Farmer H. He has a way of blasting best-laid plans to smithereens. No willy-nillyness to his madness. Farmer H can destroy a plan thoroughly, not simply disrupt it.

On Friday evenings, the Hillbilly family often gets takeout food. When The Pony was laid up with his broken ankle, he and I would go get it. Usually Chinese food from the new Wok N Roll place. We all had our favorite order, different from the items we get at our old Chinese place in Hillmomba. We like the crab rangoons better from the new one, but the egg rolls better from the old one.

Anyhoo... The Pony has worked the equivalent of 60 regular hours this week, though in actual hours it's a bit less, due to the time-and-a-half and double-time rules. He barely has time for a soak in the big triangle tub in the master bathroom when he gets home. A few nights it was only a shower in the boys' bathroom. So I thought it would be a special treat to have Chinese food on Friday night. The Pony perked up at the suggestion. Farmer H said he was fine with that.

"Now who's going to get it?"

"I don't know if I'll be off work early enough. So you can get it, Dad, at the old Chinese place. I like their Sweet & Sour Chicken. I haven't had it in a while."

That's because as far as we know, Farmer H has never been to Wok N Roll. Even though I found an empty bag from an 8-piece crab rangoon in the wastebasket about a month ago, and both he and The Pony denied it was theirs. Anyhoo... ever since The Pony was a kid, Farmer H has been getting our Chinese food in Hillmomba, beside my pharmacy. EVERY time he goes to pick it up, on the way home from work in the early years, and on the way home from shooting the bull with his cronies these days... Farmer H has called or sent a text asking what we wanted. Even though we always get the same thing. The Pony even left it on his phone, so he could just send it without re-typing.

You're starting to pick up what I'm layin' down, right? 

I called Farmer H from the driveway, around 5:00. The reason being the malfunction of my SiriusXM radio in T-Hoe. That's a story for another day.

"Where are you?"

"I'm getting the Chinese."

"It sounds like there's kids screaming."

"There is."

Anyhoo... we had a chat about my radio, and that was it. I went inside, snacked my dogs, changed into my lair-wear, and turned on the TV to await supper. Farmer H sent a text that he was headed home. When he came in, he set the food in the kitchen, walked through the living room, and said he was going to tend to Zirc. To make sure she wasn't tangled. As he walked by he said proudly,

"I got the Chinese at Wok N Roll."

"Wait! What? You were supposed to go to the old one! We TOLD you that last night! The Pony wanted Sweet & Sour Chicken!"

"I got it for him."

"NO! He never gets that at Wok N Roll!"

Farmer H should know what we get. The order comes out of his mouth at the old Chinese. When we get it from Wok N Roll, he and I have trouble telling ours apart, so The Pony asks them to write on the container.

FARMER H GOT US FOOD WE DON'T LIKE FROM WOK N ROLL!

Here are our usual orders from each place:

HM-

OLD CHINESE: Hunan Pork with white rice and egg roll

WOK N ROLL: Garlic Chicken with fried rice and crab rangoons

PONY-

OLD CHINESE: Sweet & Sour Chicken with fried rice, a half order, not a dinner

WOK N ROLL: Black Pepper Chicken with white rice and crab rangoons

FARMER H-

OLD CHINESE: Hunan Chicken with fried rice and egg roll

WOK N ROLL: Hunan Chicken with fried rice and egg roll

So as you might notice, Farmer H got exactly what he wanted. But he got me and The Pony the order we get from Old Chinese. Don't think it doesn't matter!

I will have to discuss with The Pony how his meal turned out, since I was in my lair when he got home. I had tipped him off so he could process the travesty before he got home and saw his food.

"Dad went to Wok N Roll, and got you a Sweet & Sour Chicken dinner with an egg roll."

"There's probably not even much in their Sweet & Sour Chicken. It's on their kids' menu, not the regular one."

Mine looked like a regular Hunan Pork dinner, except for the pork. I had two baby corns, a couple broccoli sprigs, two or three bamboo shoots, a couple of tiny cubes of water chestnut, not the big coin shape we get from OLD CHINESE. There wasn't much sauce. It only clung to the other stuff, and wouldn't mix with the rice. That was the whitest tasting rice I've ever eaten. Only tasted like starch. 

As for the PORK... I have no idea what part of the pig they used! I'm thinking a mixture of sinew and squeal. It was like chewing MEAT GUM. So tough. Good thing there was only a few pieces. AND I had to make sure I was ready to swallow the whole thing, because it really couldn't be chewed properly, and once one end started down the esophagus, it all had to go, or I'd choke. Here's a couple pictures.

 

You may THINK it looks tasty, but you'd think differently when it was in your own mouth. See how the fibers run in all different directions? When I'd try to cut it smaller, my knife wouldn't go through the sinews, which stretched out until I sawed up through the stringy part. That looks more like chicken, but the taste and texture was not chicken. There's a couple smaller pieces of different colored pork if you look close. Not that dark mushroom. The other pork they usually put in the fried, rice, but this was TOUGH. You can see some of my dry white rice in the corner of the container. I turned that piece of pork over, so you could see the other side:

 

 

Again, it was a strange tough texture. I will never INTENTIONALLY order this Hunan Pork from Wok N Roll! I don't like their egg rolls, either. They're mostly the wrapper, and kind of tough.

Anyhoo... I asked Farmer H WHY he changed the PLAN. I wanted an answer, no matter how much I had to probe. All he had to do was say that he was closer to Wok N Roll, or that he really likes Wok N Roll better. Maybe add a sorry for getting the wrong foods, with an explanation that he didn't want to bother The Pony at work to check on the items we wanted, Any conciliatory effort would have shut my mouth, because what are you gonna do, the wrong food is already there, and it's not going to eat itself. But no. Farmer H got all huffy about it, saying 

"That's what you two ALWAYS get! It's the same thing. I didn't say I was going to Old Chinese."

See. He never listens. He thinks he knows it all. He had his nose in a Gunsmoke episode while we were telling him the plan. THEN, because he's got what he gets there anyway, he doesn't see a problem with Pony and I looking forward to our meal the whole day, and getting something else!

"Fine! I'm going to town, and I'll get yours at the Old Chinese! I'll eat all that myself!"

Oh, sure. Wouldn't he like THAT? He's so ridiculous with his indignation and flapping arms, saying WE are in the wrong for not being happy with our wrong food. I forbade him to act out his tantrum by going to town to buy more food. Not only because it would be wasteful, but because he'd probably get the wrong thing AGAIN, since in his fit of pique, he wouldn't be texting to ask for our orders.

Thing is, Farmer H was on the phone with me when he was waiting to order. Yet he made no mention that he was at Wok N Roll, nor did he ask what we wanted...

Still, even BAD Chinese food is better than NO Chinese food.