I have a secret. Not a very well-kept secret, but a secret nonetheless.
My nose is with pimple. Up inside the left nostril, growing larger by the day, my little bubble of joy is percolatin' to beat the band. I put some clear gel stuff on it. That took away the pain for about two hours. I put a white, creamy paste from a tube proclaiming that it includes nonoxynol-9 up in there. That works for four hours. I don't know about nonoxynol-1-thru-8, but the 9er usually does the trick.
There must be a magic strike among nostrils, because nothing is getting rid of my painful nuisance. It precedes me into the classroom by a good three inches. The end of my nose is bulbous and red. I'm the W.C. Rudolph Fields of the nose-pimple set. My left nostril is constricted like a coronary artery in need of a bypass. If I was a pig, I could not model for piggy banks until the swelling goes down. Unless you want a piggy bank with one large snout hole and one tiny snout hole.
I'm sure the general public wants no such thing.