Ooh, Boys! It's Hot!

On a day when the thermometer reads 90 at 9:00 a.m., and the forecast is for a heat index of 110...is there anything better to do than lounge around your Mansion soaking up the cool, cool air conditioning?

Why, yes! Apparently, there is. If you are Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, you schedule a routine medical test that requires you to drive 20 miles in your black, sun-absorbing T-Hoe, for the test that requires you to go without deodorant. Timing is everything, my friends.

And after that, why not go to the County Health Center with updated information on your son's Tdap shot, so you can walk across the sweltering blacktop through shimmering heat waves to find out that yes, he does need the "ap" part of the Tdap, because he only had the Tetanus and Diphtheria part at the ER when he gashed his eyebrow open in 2009, but that the "and Pertussis" part is not required for school attendance, so he can skip the hordes at the upcoming shot clinic on Monday.

Then you should drive even farther out of your way to turn in that half-sheet scrap of yellow paper you got in the mail called a "contract" and turn it in to Newmentia's main office.

From there, you can go home and relax for a few minutes in your cool, cool air conditioning, until your mom calls with a question about The Pony's new computer game that won't register with the code number, and asks if you can please consult the resident computer genius who happens to be floating in Poolio's buttwater soup on an air mattress two sizes too small. Which means you have to stand in the sun while he talks on the phone, and the chickens swarm you because they think your name is FOOD FOR US. So you feel guilty and go get the rest of your taco salad to throw them, but the #1 son wants to eat it, and then he needs a fork, so you go back inside and bring not only a fork, but some pineapple chunks from Dollar Tree that only expired a month ago to feed those chickens, who must be so hot that they are practically frying right before your eyes.

Problem unsolved, you take the phone back inside your cool, cool air-conditioned Mansion, and call The Pony with further questions. You find that a deal has been struck to pay #1 $10 to solve the gaming issue, then do a simple Google search and make The Pony's day. For free.

Ooh, boys! It's hot! So say the Ozark Mountain Daredevils, anyway.