I tried to watch baseball on TV tonight. I tried.
Why is it so much like watching paint dry? Ho hum. Let's watch the pitcher try to scuff up the ball without being accused of scuffing up the ball. Look the runner back. Fidget with your cap. Pick your butt. Shake off the catcher's signal. Step off the rubber. Oh. How about a conference on the mound with the catcher? Better yet. Bring in the 102-year-old pitching coach for a tete-a-tete. Now we're cookin'. Serve up that intentional walk.
I wanted to pull my lovely lady-mullet out strand by strand. I couldn't. Couldn't watch the snail's pace spectacle for more than ten minutes. This is the playoffs. Isn't that alone supposed to generate some excitement? America's pastime needs a squirrel scampering across home plate EVERY game.
And what's with the uniforms? Back when I was but a wee tot, when my dad regularly took us to see Bob Gibson pitch in Busch Stadium, you could tell the players from old men in pajamas. Not so today. Since when did a baseball uniform turn into a garb akin to pajama jeans? Baggy, floppy, legs pulled down over the heels like ersatz bell-bottoms. If you want to play in street clothes, then play in street clothes. At least the opposing pitcher had the good sense to wear the high socks and short pants. Like a baseball player. Ah...Chipper Jones of the Braves, in his heyday, a sartorial salute to the high socks. That's what baseball needs. That, and some Red Bull.
It's almost as torturous to watch as golf.
5 comments:
Glad I missed the snooze fest then! :)
PS Around the Butt picking time you forgot the scratching...
I'm right there with you. BORING. And why do they always spank each other on the butt?
I'm not a baseball fan and I did a big faux pas today. I wore a Milwaukee shirt. It was clean and it's a favorite shirt. It's not a Brewers shirt...it's just a city shirt. So I went out into PUBLIC with this shirt and ran errands. I went in to Starbucks to reward myself with a Pumpkin Spice Latte when the barista looked at me twice and then said "I'm not a baseball fan or anything, but it's probably not a good idea to be wearing a Milwaukee shirt."
LOL. Yeah.
labbie,
Yes. I was remiss in the scratching arena. Just as well. Because that conjures up visions of Roseanne's national anthem fiasco.
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Chick,
I guess the spanking is a bromance kind of thing. I cannot believe your audacity. Even I would know not to wear a Milwaukee shirt. Even down here in the hinterlands.
Never ever did like basis-ball. Way too boring for my tastes. I mean, isn't the definition of a "perfect game" one in which nothing happens?
You're right about the rally squirrel though, I love that little guy! He's baseball's answer to Voltaire: "If there were no rally squirrel, it would be necessary for us to invent him."
Stewlongtimenocomment,
Thank the Gummi Mary, you pop up once a year whether you find me interesting or not.
I was even bored last night during the clinching of the NL title. Only golf might be worse. Unless there's somebody like Gerald Ford playing to maim himself or a spectator. Well. That might be way more exciting, what with him being dead all these years. Or maybe movie golf would be better, with Gene Hackman and Ray Romano hijinx, like in Welcome to Mooseport.
There are no rally squirrels in golf. Just sayin'. In case Tom Hanks needs to emphasize that to some sniveling blond girl.
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