Sunday, March 10, 2013

Calendar Is The New Cave Wall

If only stupid people were rich gambling addicts, I would never need to work again.

You know how youth is wasted on the young? Well, brains are wasted on the smart. Take the #1 son, for example. That boy has pushed the envelope on standardized tests. Scored a 35 out of 36 on the ACT. Is careening down the hallowed halls of Newmentia, rapidly approaching the precipice of valedictorian which overlooks the chasm of graduation.

On Saturday, March 9, he told me, "You know tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, right?"

"No. Because it isn't. St. Patrick's Day is NEXT weekend. March 17th. Everybody knows that."

"Uh, no. It's tomorrow. Everybody at S & T is talking about it on Facebook. How they're celebrating St. Patrick's Day. How they're getting ready for it last night and tonight. You'd better check again. Because it's tomorrow."

"Um. No. YOU'D better check again. Because St. Patrick's Day is March 17th. Of course they are 'getting ready for it' at S & T. That's ROLLA! Everybody knows they drink there EVERY weekend! So they're practicing to get even drunker THIS weekend to be ready for St. Patrick's Day NEXT weekend."

"It's tomorrow."

"I'll bet you a million dollars that it's next weekend."

"Okay."

"I'll bet you YOUR COLLEGE EDUCATION that it's next weekend."

"Well... I THOUGHT it was tomorrow."

"Look it up. It's the 17th."

"Huh."

See there? All those smarts, and no common sense. All those fancy electronic gewgaws, and he can't simply consult my BFF Google to find the date of St. Patrick's Day. He knew he was correct because he read it on Facebook.

I'm lucky he's not dating a French model.

Bonjour.

2 comments:

Sioux said...

And sometimes stupidity is so overflowing, others have to step on it.

We did a presentation at one of our high schools. My grade level did a cool digital piece (I didn't do it, so I can toot a horn about it.) We were behind the screen, off stage, and heard it playing. At the end, all our kids got on stage, in front of the screen, and said something. We got off and sat back in the audience, thinking everything was hunky-dorey. Unbeknownst to us, only the audio had played--there was no video. One of the (far less than intelligent)teachers said, "Was something supposed to show up on that screen?" (They fixed it and reshowed it without a hitch.) It took all my self-control to not say, "Well, no. We just liked the look of that huge blank white screen. We liked the sound as it slowly came down from the ceiling, and we thought it would really add some visual interest."

I had to clench my mouth shut...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Well, if not for teaching, that inquirer would be running a Bissell sweeper under your feet at a Chinese restaurant at 7:30 p.m. on a Saturday night. Because some people just don't grasp context clues.