Saturday, March 30, 2013

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Attacks The Victim, But Don't Worry. The Victim Will Never Notice.

I am concerned. Concerned about the story of the teacher who was poisoned by her students.

Oh, I am not concerned for myself. I am concerned about students having a teacher so much in denial as Ms. Poisonee. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom can take care of herself. She has extrasensory perception, eyes in the back of her head, and a suspicious nature. Plus, she is always one step ahead of her poisoners. Here's a novel idea: If you don't want your students to poison you, don't leave your tea where students have access to it. Uh huh. I expect my MENSA application will be arriving any day now.

Let's break it down bit by bit.

"What it was, was my stomach would bother me. I was running a low-grade temperature. I was just exhausted by the time I got home. And putting it all together, the Germ X I was using was 60% alcohol, which equates to 130 proof, and I don't drink that much," said Miller.

I'll buy the stomach thing. But I wouldn't think Germ X would cause a fever. Exhausted? What teacher isn't exhausted by the time she gets home? And that remark about the proof? Go back to the drawing board, Ms. Poisonee, the incompetent remedial math teacher. Because 60% alcohol is 120 proof. Not 130 proof. Furthermore, Ms. Poisonee declares, "I don't drink that much."

Really? REALLY? Does she mean that she drinks at work, but just not that much? Or that she drinks and has built up a tolerance, but not enough to remain unaffected by 130 proof alcohol? Does she not realize that unless she is drinking it straight, the proof is going to be watered down by her tea? Just how much Germ X were those kids putting in her drink, anyway? I would surely notice the quick depletion of my Germ X. Not to mention the alcoholy taste of my tea.

Miller says she was shocked when two girls in her class told on the two boys who were later charged in the case.

Shocked that the two girls told on the two boys? That's how it reads. I suppose she thought they had a code of conduct like prisoners, and wouldn't rat out a fellow pupil.

"I was shocked and I couldn't quite process it fast enough to realize what it meant, but I knew immediately that I needed to send it to an administrator," said Miller.

Send what? The information? The tea? The student? She couldn't process it fast enough because she was drunk on her rump.

 Miller doesn't know the boys' intentions.

No. It is SO hard to determine the reason kids are putting Germ X in your tea.

"Its hard to get into an adolescent's mind. The class I teach was math review, and a lot of them aren't too keen on math and they don't really want to be there," she said.

Who would WANT to get into an adolescent's mind? Not Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, you can bet your bottom dollar on that! I'm not too keen on the driver's license picture that clerk at the DMV took of my beaming countenance. But I did not go back with my wheelbarrow full of documentation and put Germ X in her tea. How about you quit making excuses for the little poisoners? I kind of have a suspicion that they knew Germ X is not for drinking.

"I think we need to appreciate our teachers more, and to understand it is a very difficult job, and to help children understand that teachers are there to help them," Miller said.

Yes. Because children of thirteen don't understand that teachers are there to help them. They must be so very confused, thinking that teachers are there as wardens to prohibit them from roaming the streets, there to stuff their heads with information that they will NEVER use later in life, there to entertain them with magic tricks, there to rap the lesson to hold their undivided attention, there to act as older, grayer, more lethargic guinea pigs for experiments involving Germ X.

I swear. This lady is denser than a teacher I used to work with who could not figure out who was writing FU on the board behind her desk every day.

4 comments:

Sioux said...

FU? How long ago was that teacher (the one you mentioned at the end of your post)plagued by the writing on the chalkboard, 'cause I don't think Fu Manchu mustaches/beards have been in style for a while.

Didn't Charlie Chan wear a Fu Manchu? Those movies were popular in the 50's and 60's.

Good grief. Are these hillbilly kids trapped in a time warp?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
It WAS many years ago, and she was older than I am. Granted, she taught kids classified as BD. But still. I think I might have prohibited anybody from walking behind me. AND it was in the days of chalk and blackboard. You'd think one would hear the scritchy-scratching of chalk on a blackboard RIGHT BEHIND ONE'S HEAD.

Chickadee said...

I smell a lie over the alcohol and that alcohol smell is pretty strong.

I don't buy that story of 2 boys plopping Germ X into the teacher's tea. Does that stuff really dissolve in hot tea (or hot water for that matter)? And isn't she in the classroom when the kids arrive? Did she have a container that keeps water boiling hot? Hot tea doesn't stay hot forever. And if she did have a container filled with hot water or kept a cup of tea on her desk, these kids would have to be dang fast to squeeze germ-x while her back is turned. And doesn't the alcohol content dissipate in the heat, as it does when you use it during cooking?

I don't know a lot about chemistry or physics or whatever is at work with hot water and germ-x, but I think that story has too many holes and is far fetched. Like you, I think someone came under scrutiny because she came to work smelling like booze a few times too many. D

Hillbilly Mom said...

Chick,
Well, it WAS in Virginia, so I suppose she could have been drinking sweet tea, cold.

I agree. There was something about that teacher's statements that don't add up (heh, heh, a MATH teacher's statements don't add up--I continue to amuse myself).

How could she not notice? The internet says kids are drinking had sanitizer these days to get drunk. Surely an amount that would make an adult sick would have resulted in her at least feeling drunk all day.

Then she goes on to say that she doesn't DRINK ALL THAT MUCH. Why would a teacher give an interview and talk about drinking? Most try to keep personal adult facts such as that private.

And she said in one interview that she's walking and talking all day, and she doesn't so much take a drink as she grabs the cup and GULPS. Then why not just have water? Unless that's an excuse for not noticing the drunkening from spiked tea.

Not saying that the boys could not have done such a thing. Only that the teacher's story raises some questions.

HOW CAN SHE NOT NOTICE THAT HER GERM-X IS DISAPPEARING AT AN ALARMING RATE?