I am concerned. Concerned about the story of the teacher who was poisoned by her students.
Oh, I am not concerned for myself. I am concerned about students having a teacher so much in denial as Ms. Poisonee. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom can take care of herself. She has extrasensory perception, eyes in the back of her head, and a suspicious nature. Plus, she is always one step ahead of her poisoners. Here's a novel idea: If you don't want your students to poison you, don't leave your tea where students have access to it. Uh huh. I expect my MENSA application will be arriving any day now.
Let's break it down bit by bit.
"What it was, was my stomach would bother me. I was running a low-grade
temperature. I was just exhausted by the time I got home. And putting it
all together, the Germ X I was using was 60% alcohol, which equates to
130 proof, and I don't drink that much," said Miller.
I'll buy the stomach thing. But I wouldn't think Germ X would cause a fever. Exhausted? What teacher isn't exhausted by the time she gets home? And that remark about the proof? Go back to the drawing board, Ms. Poisonee, the incompetent remedial math teacher. Because 60% alcohol is 120 proof. Not 130 proof. Furthermore, Ms. Poisonee declares, "I don't drink that much."
Really? REALLY? Does she mean that she drinks at work, but just not that much? Or that she drinks and has built up a tolerance, but not enough to remain unaffected by 130 proof alcohol? Does she not realize that unless she is drinking it straight, the proof is going to be watered down by her tea? Just how much Germ X were those kids putting in her drink, anyway? I would surely notice the quick depletion of my Germ X. Not to mention the alcoholy taste of my tea.
Miller says she was shocked when two girls in her class told on the two boys who were later charged in the case.
Shocked that the two girls told on the two boys? That's how it reads. I suppose she thought they had a code of conduct like prisoners, and wouldn't rat out a fellow pupil.
"I was shocked and I couldn't quite process it fast enough to realize
what it meant, but I knew immediately that I needed to send it to an
administrator," said Miller.
Send what? The information? The tea? The student? She couldn't process it fast enough because she was drunk on her rump.
Miller doesn't know the boys' intentions.
No. It is SO hard to determine the reason kids are putting Germ X in your tea.
"Its hard to get into an adolescent's mind. The class I teach was math
review, and a lot of them aren't too keen on math and they don't really
want to be there," she said.
Who would WANT to get into an adolescent's mind? Not Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, you can bet your bottom dollar on that! I'm not too keen on the driver's license picture that clerk at the DMV took of my beaming countenance. But I did not go back with my wheelbarrow full of documentation and put Germ X in her tea. How about you quit making excuses for the little poisoners? I kind of have a suspicion that they knew Germ X is not for drinking.
"I think we need to appreciate our teachers more, and to understand it
is a very difficult job, and to help children understand that teachers
are there to help them," Miller said.
Yes. Because children of thirteen don't understand that teachers are there to help them. They must be so very confused, thinking that teachers are there as wardens to prohibit them from roaming the streets, there to stuff their heads with information that they will NEVER use later in life, there to entertain them with magic tricks, there to rap the lesson to hold their undivided attention, there to act as older, grayer, more lethargic guinea pigs for experiments involving Germ X.
I swear. This lady is denser than a teacher I used to work with who could not figure out who was writing FU on the board behind her desk every day.