Sunday, October 26, 2014

When You Lack An Essential Nutrient, You Are Just Not Yourself

I'm not sure how to break this news. I'm actually getting it second hand, but it's from a pretty reliable source. Are you sitting down? Hold onto your armrests. Take a deep breath. Here goes.

THERE MIGHT BE A SLAW SHORTAGE!

My mom has been without slaw for about a week now. She has looked for it at The Devil's Playground, and also at her regular store, Country Mart. No slaw to be found. The space for it is empty. The question remains as to whether there is another food poisoning scare, or if people are grillin' and chillin' and slawin' for the weekend.

With this lack of slaw comes a lack of good judgment for my mom. That's the price she pays for withdrawal from her favorite side dish. She's simply not thinking clearly. Just this evening, when I called her around six, she sounded all marble-mouthed.

"Are you eating?"

"Well. Not really. I just found this cookie, and I took a bite right as the phone rang."

"What do you mean, you just found this cookie? How can you find a cookie? Was it on the floor?"

"No! It wasn't on the floor! It was laying here on the table by where I keep my remote control and my Sudoku book."

"So you just found it, and picked it up and ate it?"

"Only a bite. I usually have something like this when I take my pill at 7:00. I've been trying to wait."

"Not very successfully. Good thing I called."

"I only took one bite."

We chatted for about 15 minutes.

"I've go to go, Mom. I'm cooking supper. Stay away from that cookie."

"Oh. It's closer to 7:00 now."

Seriously. How can you FIND a cookie in your own home when you live alone? It's the slaw, I tell you! We've gotta get my mom some slaw.

2 comments:

Sioux said...

I heard that Walmart will deliver to your house--free of charge--if you order $50 or more.

Could your mother order $50 worth of slaw...and then they'd be sure to dig up some from somewhere?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Not even my mom would want slaw "dug up from somewhere." Besides, they would only deliver once. When they learned that they would not be allowed in her driveway, her slaw supply would be cut off.