Retired People Not-Even Problems

Dang the Devil! Off I went to The Devil's Playground this morning, index-card-list in hand, ready to fill my cart like a Supermarket Sweep contestant. Only not with 10 frozen turkeys and 10 cases of disposable diapers. I had places to go! Like the bank, because the #1 son needs a new pair of shoes. And the Casey's, because T-Hoe needed sustenance. And a 44 oz Diet Coke, because Mrs. HM needed her daily dose of magical elixir. No dilly-dallying was penciled in with The Devil.

So...I grabbed a cart from the corral by where I parked, but it was crappy, even for a Devil's cart. So after crossing to the next parking row, I left it and grabbed another one sitting by the Handicap Space concrete sign-holder. It was just as noisy, but steered straight, so I kept it. That's how Mrs. Hillbilly Mom rolls. Heh, heh! Get it? How I ROLL? Because I was rolling a cart, see? I crack myself up sometimes!

I went in the entrance door, and for the first time in a long time I was not almost run over by people exiting through it. The Pony was a stickler for instruction-following. So I always had to use the correct door, even though 90% of The Devil's people do the opposite. Of course my hollow victory was short-lived, because standing at the entrance to the Playground proper, two blue-vested blue-hairs were chatting with their hands, blocking my way past the seasonal shelf and the baskets of french bread. I had to swing way over, almost to the checkouts, to get past them.

Don't worry! I got my slaw! TWO containers, because they don't have the big ones anymore. The bananas were green enough. But when it came to the slaw mix, bagged lettuce, broccoli/cauliflower carrot aisle, another blue-vested soldier of The Devil's army had a cart parked in the way. Uh huh. That's the problem with shopping on a Monday. You'd think they could have their overnight crew do the stocking. Are you telling me that semi trailers full of fresh produce don't arrive until 8:00 a.m. on a Monday? You know that stuff was sitting in the storeroom, waiting. I barely contorted myself to snag a bag of slaw. Usually, The Devil's soldiers will move aside and say they're sorry. This one just ignored me. Oh, and they were fresh out of the bagged broccoli/cauliflower/carrots.

You know what else they were out of? My very special TV dinners, the Great Value Salisbury Steak with Potatoes! Darn the Devil! Darn him all to heck! I found my other items, and got the sour-faced checker who's really good at speed and bagging. So there's that.

That's 45 minutes of my life I will never get back. And now I have to go BACK for the dinners and the broccoli/cauliflower/carrots later in the week.

I hope I can find time in my busy schedule...