Friday, September 8, 2017

I'm Gonna Have To Teach Him The Ropes Of Being Retired

Living with Farmer H is an adventure. Sometimes it requires a pith helmet and hip boots. Sometimes is requires a suspension of belief. The belief that Farmer H possesses common sense.

Last night, as I was thinking about typing up the boys' weekly letter, I heard Farmer H's phone ringing. It’s right over my head, you know, plugged in on the bathroom counter, in the master bathroom one floor above my dark basement lair.

So I heard it ring, and the La-Z-Boy clank shut, and Farmer H’s footless ankles clomping to the bathroom. But I never heard him answer. The ringing stopped. Footless clomping back to La-Z-Boy, which cranked back.


Sweet Gummi Mary! Why he didn’t just answer, or take the phone out to the table beside the La-Z-Boy after the second time, I don’t know. Being highly suspicious after a request involving my chicken and dumplings (which may appear elsewhere, in good time), I went to the bottom of the steps and hollered, “What’s going on with the phone?”

“I don’t know! It’s some 660 number that I don’t know. I answered it once, and a guy said, ‘I’m going to rent a U-Haul trailer.’ I just hung up on him.”

“Well, it’s probably a scammer. They try to see if the number is active. You mean it was a real guy? Not a recording?”

“He had an Indian accent.”

“Scammer. You can block that number, you know. And report it as spam. Even if it’s someone thinking you rent U-Haul trailers, like some people think you’re Lowe’s…you can block them so they can’t call back.”

 Seriously. Even I know how to do this!

“Yeah. My phone can probably do that.”

Just then it rang again, at 9:12 p.m., and Farmer H stumped off to get the phone out of the bathroom. Scammers aren’t supposed to call after 9:00, you know! And at the rate this one was calling, we'd get about 239 more before I was done resting my weary head.

I'm assuming Farmer H got that number blocked, because the ringing stopped.

Sometimes, when people call thinking he's Lowe's...Farmer H gives them hardware-y information, just to mess with them.


Sioux Roslawski said...

HM--I'm sure Farmer H is not messing with them. I'm sure he is filled to bursting with altruism. He just wants to be helpful... like he's helpful at home, 27/7. ;) ;) ;)

Hillbilly Mom said...

Oh, he's bursting all right! Because he's so full of bull poo.

Sometimes, he actually gives them helpful information on their project. Sometimes not. His phone number is one off from the local Lowe's. He gets a lot of calls.

River said...

"footless ankles"?

Hillbilly Mom said...

The way he walks, Farmer H sounds like he doesn't have feet. Like he just thumps on the bones, and doesn't stride heel-to-toe.