Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is no fan of technology. Oh, sure...she couldn't survive without air conditioning, and riding a donkey to town every day for a 44 oz Diet Coke would become tiresome after a year or two. But bartering would be so much simpler than relying on these newfangled debit cards with chips.
Yeah. And by chips, I don't mean a tasty, salty snack morsel that can be used to scoop salsa or French onion dip. It's some kind of dark magic that involves computery thingies that you can't see. I don't even know why I need one, unless the government is having trouble tracking me with only my cell phone and OnStar technology.
Here's the problem. On August 19, I got an email from my bank saying that I was getting a new debit card with chip technology. To look for it within the next two weeks. Farmer H got a new card, with no email announcement at all. His card was due to expire at the end of August. But mine is good for another year. So...I went back to that email, to see if maybe it was talking about Farmer H's card, which we got, and I activated for him. Nope. The email was about my card, which has a different number, even though it's the same account.
When I didn't get my new chip card by last Saturday, which was September 2, I called my bank. Three times. Because the first time the recording said the wait was 7 minutes. And I said right out loud, "Bull crap if I'm waiting on hold for 7 minutes to talk about the debit card I didn't ask for!" I decided to call late at night, because I'm up, you see, and other people aren't. SWEET GUMMI MARY! It looks like they ARE! Other people ARE up late at night. Because the wait to speak to a bank representative at 12:50 a.m. was 10 minutes! Well! You know what I had to say to THAT! "Bull crap if I'm waiting on hold for 10 minutes to talk about the debit card I didn't ask for!"
Sunday morning around 9:30, I tried again. Not because I'm a glutton for punishment, but because two weeks had passed, I didn't have the debit card I didn't ask for, and the email said to activate it as soon as possible, because my old debit card would stop working!
I had mentioned this dilemma to my favorite gambling aunt over a Personal Pan Pizza when I first got my email, and she said, "Be careful. I was out trying to pay for my lunch, and my debit card was declined! I had to use a credit card!"(Auntie is not known to carry cash.) "I was mad! I called my bank when I got home, and they said, 'Oh, didn't you get your new card?' I told them I did, but I didn't know I had to activate it right then! They should put something on the envelope that says there's a time limit. I just threw it in my bank stuff."
Anyhoo...there I was, last Sunday morning, September 3, calling the bank. The wait was 8 minutes! You can bet I stayed on the line. My representative said she'd look up my card. It had been mailed. She said that due to the Labor Day holiday, I should give it until Friday, September 8. And if I didn't get it then, to call back, and they could issue another card.
You know what happened, right? Friday rolled around. No card. I even waited until Saturday's mail. No card. I called the bank. I was very lucky that the wait was again only 8 minutes. A new representative said she'd look up my card. The post office had received it. She said I should get my card by Wednesday (September 13) at the latest. And if I didn't, to call back, and they would issue another card.
Both representatives said that my current debit card would not stop working until I activate the new one with chip technology. The second rep kept referring to my "requested card." I was adamant that I NEVER requested that card. "Oh. Well. Sometimes we send them out when they're about to expire. Or if they don't have chip technology."
Yeah. This is a racket. A tracking racket! Funny how a minimum wage telephone representative can see that the post office has received my card. Because they can track it, by cracky, with that chip!
I'm starting to think that maybe there really is no new card, and that the government is now keeping track of my whereabouts by my telephone line.
That doesn't make me sound crazy at all...does it?