Thursday, August 2, 2018

Say It Isn't So, My Sweet, Sweet Juno

I fear that my Sweet, Sweet Juno is inheriting Farmer H's hoarding tendencies! You know the concept that people start to look like their pets? Well, my pet is starting to act like her person's spouse! No joke. Juno's house is full of crap. Or as she might say, if she could talk...collectibles!

There are assorted dried-out bones that I know she's not noshing on as a snack. She's just keeping them so the other dogs can't have them. There's an antler in there, too. And some sticks.

Wednesday afternoon, I took a partial carton of eggs out on the back porch, to toss into the woods. They were 10 days past the date, and I didn't want to take a chance baking The Pony's requested Oreo Cake with them. Can't be taking food poisoning in his hand-delivered care package. Juno came out of her house to see what I was offering.

"No, Juno. I don't have anything good. Just eggs. You used to like our fresh eggs, right out of the chicken, though. Here. I can give you ONE!"

Thing is, I've given all the dogs an egg before, out in the front yard, and their initial excitement turned to judgmental stares. Like, Why are you give us THESE THINGS? And then they walked off, leaving the eggs in the grass. I've even broken eggs over their dry dog food, in their usual pans, and they walked off, leaving the treat uneaten. But Juno looked so hopeful, I gave her a single egg. It helped that Jack and Copper Jack were not around. I figured if they wanted eggs, they could walk to the edge of the yard by Poolio, and forage for them in the woods.

Juno took that egg in her mouth. Did she crunch it and let it dribble on the porch boards, and lick it up? No, she did not. She took that egg into her house. I swear I heard it crunch.

"Oh, Juno! You're making a mess in your house!"

I came out later to get something from T-Hoe, and saw that egg laying on the floor of Juno's house. Juno was in the back, her front legs stretched out by the egg.

"Aha! That's going to stink! Since you're not eating it, I'm taking it back."

I reached in and picked up the egg. Which was completely intact. Juno came out, tail wagging, like she thought I was playing a game.

"Darn it, Juno! You can't have this egg in your house." Again. She looked so hopeful. "Well...you can have it back. But take it somewhere else!" Thus commenced an awkward dance of Juno trying to slink back into her abode, and me trying to block her way.

Juno is pretty smart. Maybe even valedictorian smart. She headed around the corner where the kitchen alcove bumps out. Towards the food pans and water bowl.

"That's it, Juno. Take it to your pan. Eat it there. No, Jack! It's not for you. I don't have anything. Nope."

Copper Jack was also lurking over behind Juno's house, with the hope I might be tossing out leftovers as I often do. None on the menu this time. I went back in and closed the kitchen door. As I rounded the counter, I saw Juno through the windows, walking back to her house with that egg in her mouth.

You can't reason with a hoarder.

5 comments:

fishducky said...

Can you live with 2 Farmer H's?

River said...

You're going to have to sneak that egg out of there when Juno is away somewhere and not give her anymore potentially stinky snacks.

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
I think I can live with two Farmer H's as cheaply as one. Juno doesn't make many demands.

***
River,
Problem solved! I went out last night, and saw the shell laying in front of Juno's front door, cracked exactly in half. It was as if she had two thumbs and popped it open for frying.

River said...

aha! She was saving it for later, for dessert.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
Or else she was coming out to menace Copper Jack, who walks right past her house, around the porch, to get a drink out of her water bowl...and forgot she had the egg in her mouth when she started barking.