Be forewarned: if you continue reading, you will hear about FEET! I tell you that, because I, myself, abhor feet. Especially the feet of other people. Except for babies. Tiny infants. The feet are my favorite part of a baby. Once they exit toddlerhood, that's it!
I wash my hands of their feet!
When my boys were in their tweens/early teens, and took to fightin' like only brothers can do... I threatened them into good behavior. "This needs to stop right NOW! Or when I'm old, one of you is going to push my wheelchair and pull my oxygen tank through the casino, and the other is going to clip my toenails!" To which Genius would respond, "I get the wheelchair and oxygen tank!" And The Pony would whimper.
The Pony once sent my heart racing when he took off his slides while riding behind me in T-Hoe, and stretched a bare foot onto the console to PINCH MY ARM WITH HIS TOES! We are lucky I didn't crash. The Pony might as well have been found under a cabbage leaf. He did NOT inherit those fingerlike toes from me, nor from Farmer H, whose toes are even stubbier than mine.
Anyhoo... I have an issue. A pinky toe whose nail refuses to be trimmed. I am not like Farmer H, who gleefully forks over cash for a pedicure once a month. Nope. I don't want anybody touching my feet. I clip my own toenails. All nine of them. It's the left little piggy who goes WEEE WEEE WEEE whenever I try to snip it. Unlike Farmer H, I am able to reach my toes to groom them. Except for that one, which contorts itself so getting the clipper jaws on it is impossible.
Matters are not helped by the fact that this pinky toenail is more like a HOOF than a toenail! Try as I might, I cannot get that thing between the clipper jaws! I have tried from both edges. Just when I think I've got a piece to snip, the clippers twist themselves so there is no leverage to squeeze the blades together. That dang pinky toenail is growing into a point like a talon! A thick wedge with a little point at the end that is trying to curl under! Are you gagging yet?
Our toenail clippers are sturdy and silver, with handles about 3 inches long. I cannot get a good grip on them to snip. The twisting! The space between the blades not wide enough to fit my fat talon. So... I ordered a toenail clipper from Amazon.
This one had handles about six inches long. I didn't read the specs, but from the size of the hand in the picture, that's the length. And the description said it has a wider space between the blades, for seniors' toenails.
WHAT IN THE NOT-HEAVEN???
Do the elderlies grow hooves? Nobody had told me about this effect of aging! Why would oldsters need extra-wide blades on their toenail clippers? Might as well call a farrier, with those hoof-snippers that have three-foot-long handles! Don't even get me started on Amazon's other version of toenail clippers for seniors, that looked like a selfie stick!
Anyhoo... an aid for pruning my recalcitrant pinky-toenail is on the way.
4 comments:
I, too, hate feet. More specifically, the toenails. Yes, I struggle with thicker nails, as I age. I knew when to give up the fight. I purchased an inexpensive electric tool similar to what the manicure/pedicure places use. It takes me a bit longer, but it is effective. I have control of the speed and it takes a bit of practice, but it does the job. It works wonders on the thickening of the nails, but you do have to be careful. Ranee (MN)
Rae,
Heh, heh! Like a grinder, to sand down the nails? I think the longer wider clippers I ordered were around $11. Cheaper than Farmer H's monthly pedicure! I don't think they'll allow me to lop off the whole pinkie-toe.
Toenails do thicken with age. I was going to suggest a chainsaw, but give the Amazon clippers a try, they might get the job done.
River,
Why was I not told this!!! Fingernails don't thicken. What's up with the toenails? Farmer H has a chainsaw, but I'm sure he could find one just for me at the auction. Maybe a pink one! He's such a bargain magnet, somebody might GIVE him one for free!
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