Thanks so much, Gl***coe division of McG*** H***, for hiring THE most sleep-inducing textbook reader ever, in the history of the world, to voice my physics chapters on DVD.
This guy must have been relieved of his previous position as a golf announcer for being too subdued. If only I could bottle his dulcet tones, or put them in pill form, I could surpass Ambien in pharmaceutical sales to the unrested.
It's not their fault. Kids yawn 1st Hour no matter what stimulating activities I plan for them. Even a Hillbilly Mom classroom premier of The Conjuring would fail to make them alert.
At least my biology textbook has two readers. One man, one woman. Thanks, H*** McD****l, for being an equal opportunity employer. Of course, I can't chose which one reads which chapter. But I CAN make them read slower. Yep! I have two-speed readers. That's a really good threat and an even better promise. Rather than ask the restless masses, "Oh, do I need to start this page over in case you missed something while discussing your personal lives?" I tell them, "I can make it go SLOWER if you missed that!"
It doesn't pay to mess with Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.
I'm surprised nobody has yet come up with a textbook that's a true TEXT BOOK. You know. One using that thumbly shorthand that's all the rage with the whippersnappers of today. Maybe then they would read the book at home when assigned, and I wouldn't need to rely on my relaxed-to-the-point-of-catatonia out-loud recorded readers.
Remember the good old days when students read textbooks out loud?