Thursday, October 3, 2013

A Sarcastic Thanks To My Voices

Thanks so much, Gl***coe division of McG*** H***, for hiring THE most sleep-inducing textbook reader ever, in the history of the world, to voice my physics chapters on DVD.

This guy must have been relieved of his previous position as a golf announcer for being too subdued. If only I could bottle his dulcet tones, or put them in pill form, I could surpass Ambien in pharmaceutical sales to the unrested.

It's not their fault. Kids yawn 1st Hour no matter what stimulating activities I plan for them. Even a Hillbilly Mom classroom premier of The Conjuring would fail to make them alert.

At least my biology textbook has two readers. One man, one woman. Thanks, H*** McD****l, for being an equal opportunity employer. Of course, I can't chose which one reads which chapter. But I CAN make them read slower. Yep! I have two-speed readers. That's a really good threat and an even better promise. Rather than ask the restless masses, "Oh, do I need to start this page over in case you missed something while discussing your personal lives?" I tell them, "I can make it go SLOWER if you missed that!"

It doesn't pay to mess with Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.

I'm surprised nobody has yet come up with a textbook that's a true TEXT BOOK. You know. One using that thumbly shorthand that's all the rage with the whippersnappers of today. Maybe then they would read the book at home when assigned, and I wouldn't need to rely on my relaxed-to-the-point-of-catatonia out-loud recorded readers.

Remember the good old days when students read textbooks out loud?


Sioux said... a non-rockin' round robin style...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Wouldn't want to impose on them these days. Because they are not all equal readers. Are elementary teachers even allowed to have reading groups anymore?

Melissa said...

Yes, I still do reading groups daily for 30 minutes with each of my two reading classes. Round Robin reading is frowned upon these days, but I still use it. I do something similar called popcorn reading where the reader can stop anywhere and call on anyone. Keeps some of them on their toes.
We have new reading books this year. So I would log onto the computer and use the online student version that reads and highlights the text so students could follow along on the board with the projector. Unfortunately, the company updated their programs but my school system has not, so nothing works. Maybe they'll get it updated by the time we get our next reading series in 6 years.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I love that highlighted text! I use it with one of my classes that has a lot of IEP kids. I think it really helps them to hear it and see it.

Alas, my other textbook has the reader but not the highlighting.

I used to have my freshmen read the text out loud, a paragraph for each, with the reminder that we all read at different speeds. They had an option to not read if somebody else would volunteer for them. It worked out well, but now that I have the projector and DVD text, it goes faster.