I may be known as The Five-Dollar Daughter, but my mom now has a title of her own: The Habitual Liar.
I called her that today. She was laughing and snorting over a bottle of water that she SWORE was her fifth one since yesterday, when her trash bag revealed only three empties. She must stay hydrated, and has never had a love affair with water. "I just don't like the taste," she says. Only now she declares that she got used to drinking water in the hospital. And swears that she has been drinking 80 ounces a day since she got home Thursday evening. Au contraire. In two days, she drank 60 plus ounces. according to her wastebasket and the barely-touched bottle from which she was swigging.
And another thing. Yesterday Mom told me that she has no trouble getting up from the toilet, because she used the towel rack. Farmer H had a fit when I told him. "That will pull out of the wall and she'll fall. She was told specifically when they discharged her from the hospital that she could not use a towel rack to pull herself up. In fact, I went into her bathroom, and tested it, and reminded her that she can reach the sink and use that to pull herself up. She tried it, and agreed."
This morning on the phone, I again reminded Mom that she should not use the towel rack. That they would not have discharged her if she had told them that was her plan.
"Nobody ever told me not to use that towel rack. It's just SO CONVENIENT! It's not going to pull out of the wall. It's sturdy."
"You should let Farmer H put you a pull-bar on the wall. Make sure it is anchored and won't come out."
"We'll see."
So, later, at her house, when Farmer H got there and mentioned how he could put in a pull-bar like a towel rack for her to grasp, so she wouldn't be in danger off falling if that came loose, Mom denied it all.
"What? I never pull on that towel rack. Is that what it is? I didn't even notice it. It's so high. It would be awkward to try and get up using that."
PUH LEASE! There is not an Oscar in your future, Mom. You're like that kid years ago who got called to the principal's office and was told to dump out the contents of his book bag, and a bottle of Jack Daniel's rolled out. The kid who jumped back in shock and hollered, "How did THAT get in my bag?"
I will be listening closely to see if you start ending your sentences with "Yeah. That's the ticket!"
4 comments:
Wasn't that tagline tossed out by the SNLer who also said, "Get to know me"?
(The title flummoxes me. I give.)
Sioux,
Yes, but that one never took off like "That's the ticket!"
Title? Kind of like "I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me..." Poem from my childhood. They can't all be Shakespeare, you know.
Install the bar anyway, even if she protests. Will she drink flavored water?
Only took me 4 months to convince Mama to let the Hospice aides help my dad with his bath. I was so worried he would lose his balance and they would both fall.
So stressful, looking after our parents!!
Kathy,
We left a couple of bars in her shower. The kind glass-carriers use, with big suction cups. They worked great. She is under orders from Sis and me not to take a shower unless we are there. The Pony can reset those suction cups to make sure they're operating under fresh suction.
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