A Night Not On HM's Schedule

The best-laid plans of Farmer H and Mrs. HM always go awry. Our night not-on the town was almost the night that never was.

Yes, Mrs. HM had her timing to a T. She had set the DVR to record the pregame show at 6:00, and also the game at 6:30. If something (like Farmer H) threw a monkey wrench in her plan, not to worry. The game could be watched from the DVR, commercials fast-forwarded, and real time caught up to forthwith.

At 5:50 Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was picking peppers off the pizza. How many peppers did Mrs. HM pick? Too dang many! But since they all went on her side of the pizza, there was a built-in reward. The pepperoni-picking was simple. Stick the edge of a knife under them and pop them off, then drop them on Farmer H's side.

By 6:00, the DiGiorno was in the oven. Where it would remain on its hole-y pizza pan for 22 to 25 minutes. It was a rising crust. And we like our bottom crust crunchy. As the pizza went in the oven, the queso and salsa were combined. In a real glass bowl, people! Not in a foam bowl. Farmer H was instructed to put it in the microwave for 20 seconds, check, stir, maybe an additional 10 seconds. He wanted that treat for halftime, you know.

Yes, all systems were go. Farmer H had come in at 6:10, and decided he had time for a shower. He had worked half a day, then fiddled around in his BARn with new flea market toys he had bought himself. I sat down in the La-Z-Boy to watch some of the pregame show while waiting on the pizza. I'd had one ear on it while in the kitchen. Had glanced in to see the TV. There was a huge dark cloud handing over Gaylord Family Stadium. That's what they called it most, although it's also Owen Field. Or Oklahoma Memorial Stadium. Anyhoo...I saw the gray behemoth hovering, and lightning flashing. The reporter said that film was taken at 5:15. As I went about stirring queso and salsa, I figured everything would be fine. Because I heard the reporter say that at the moment, he was under bright sunshine, no clouds. And it was after 6:00.

You know how a dark cloud is used to portend trouble? This was Even Steven and The Universe foreshadowing what was to become of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's night not-on the town.

As I sat in the La-Z-Boy, I saw a scroll across the bottom of the screen. I picked up one of my two pairs of glasses from the side table, and saw that

THE GAME HAD BEEN POSTPONED UNTIL 8:14 !!!!!

Let the record show that our DiGiorno was a cooked goose. Already in the oven, almost done. And Farmer H didn't even know yet! At 6:20, I was checking on the pizza when he wandered out of the shower. Thank the Gummi Mary he had put on shorts and a shirt! I told him of the new kickoff time. I set the done-to-perfection DiGiorno on the stove to cool. Farmer H said it was no big deal. We'd eat our pizza, then he could have his chips for kickoff.

We went out on the porch for a few minutes with Puppy Jack and Sweet, Sweet Juno. They had a leftover 6" Coldcut Combo for their evening treat, thanks to Farmer H's dietary restraint last week. When we came back in, the game time had been moved up to 8:01. You can't tell me that being on national TV didn't affect the timing of the presumed safe period after lightning.

So...we watched our game 90 minutes late. We probably should stop watching altogether, because the Sooners bit the big one again, and lost 45-24 to the Ohio State Buckeyes. Farmer H went to bed at halftime and a score of 35-17. We didn't even get to see the Sooner Schooner, because the ground was too wet, and the mini horses and their little Conestoga would tear up the field. Not that they would have made that many trips onto the field...

Still, we had a fairly decent Saturday evening. Next week no Sooners, since they're off. But the week after, it's on to Texas to play the TCU Horned Frogs. I'll probably be hoppin' mad by the time that one is over.