Saturday, July 7, 2018

Farmer H Is Going Squirrelly

Farmer H has a problem. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that one day he flung open the kitchen door to bark at a squirrel. He's curtailed his barking, but those squirrels are still getting his goat. He's worried that they're going to get into the attic. I don't know why. They'd be stupid, since their buffet of dog and cat food is on the porch. Not in the attic.

The squirrels used to hang out over by the chicken pen. Not because they liked the chickens, but because they liked the corn mix that Farmer H threw out for the chickens. Now that we don't have any chickens, I'm not sure he even throws it out.

The dogs are always tearing around the porch, or jumping off the back of the concrete carport to chase the squirrels. Who kind of taunt them, I guess, because...well...they're SQUIRRELS! No dog is going to catch one as long as there's a porch rail or tree nearby.

Farmer H was debating on what to do about the squirrels, and I had to point this out to him. "Them dogs don't never catch the squirrels. They get the rabbits, but not the squirrels." Uh huh. Rabbits can't climb.

"I guess I could set some traps, but more squirrels would just take their place."

"You could sit on the porch and shoot them, I guess."

Let the record show that the last thing I want is an armed Farmer H on my porch. But I figured that coming from me, such a suggestion would be automatically rejected.

I don't think Farmer H has come up with a solution yet. What's he going to do, trap them and let them go? They'll come right back. I don't know what would work, other than not having the pet food out so the animals can eat when they want. Feeding the dogs in the morning and evening, then removing the food, would work. They'd learn to eat up, or go hungry for the next 12 hours. The cats don't exactly come when they hear the food pour into the pan.

Right now, I just consider it a victory that Farmer H has stopped barking.

5 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

Perhaps if he meowed at them, it would have better results? I hear that cats are the mortal enemies of squirrels.

Would you like me to email Farmer H with this suggestion, along with information about the upcoming sale to the Good Feet Store?

River said...

A minor victory, since the dogs are still barking, but at least Farmer H isn't adding to the din. your best solution is to feed the dogs then remove the food, but that COULD lead to squirrels getting into the attic in search of sustenance.
I say just sit on the porch, without guns, and watch the daily Squirrel Show.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
That mortal enemy stuff makes sense. I predator that can climb as well as the prey!

Farmer H does not care about a bargain at The Good Feet Store. He is quite willing to pay full price there, without even asking the cost beforehand, just to look like a sophisticated bad-footed person.

***
River,
The squirrels are fun to watch, but they are now leaving their poops on the porch rail! Granted, their poops are in dry pellet form, but still, I am not happy about my back porch being a squirrel toilet!

fishducky said...

To paraphrase:

Squirrels to right of them,
Squirrels to left of them,
Squirrels in front of them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode Hick

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
Farmer H might as well let those squirrels frolic. His talents are needed elsewhere. He needs to lead the charge of the burnt-out light brigade, into my basement lair.