Thursday, July 26, 2018

Stink Bait, The Apparel

Tuesday morning, I reached for the knob to turn on the shower, and saw a hat. A camouflage cap with a large fish hook on the side. I was pretty sure Farmer H had not set a line to catch a fish in the shower. I figured he'd washed his hat, and hung it there to dry. He often hangs his SpongeBob boxers that double as his Poolio swim trunks there. Even though historically, bathrooms have been humid areas, suitable for growing African Violets, and not a great place to hang clothing up to dry.

Sweet Gummi Mary! What's with the hat hooks, anyway? If you've ever immersed yourself in Hillmomban culture, you've seen that fashion statement. Even high school students wear them, IN school, which doesn't seem quite right, those giant hooks being as menacing as a pocket knife.


Why would anybody want to wear a giant fish hook mere millimeters from his eye? If you fall, it could pierce your skull. In a fight, you're equally as likely to skewer your own temple as snag some guy's knuckle. In a car wreck, you could jam that curve of barbed metal into your temporal lobe. Say goodbye to memory, understanding, and language! Oh, wait. You can't bid those faculties farewell, because you won't have a memory to do so! At the very least, you could fall down drunk, and scratch your scalp, and need a tetanus booster.

Anyhoo...I told Farmer H that I'd moved his hat to the side of the big triangle tub, and that he might want to hang it outside to dry.

"Yeah. I washed it last night. I was sitting there, and I smelled it."

"I've learned that whenever I'm sitting in the living room, and get a whiff of a stench, that's always what smells. Your hat."

"No. I wasn't sitting in the living room. I mean at the auction. I was sitting there at the auction, and noticed a stink, and it was my HAT!"

Heh, heh. I'm glad I wasn't his traveling companion for that auction in the city.

4 comments:

River said...

That's just like me one day over a year ago now, I smelled something off while I was on the bus and even when I got off and boarded a second bus, the smell seemed to follow, but so had several other passengers, so I blamed them, until I was on a bus going home later in the day and could still smell that odour and when I got home placed my hat on the table beside me while I had coffee is when I discovered the stink was my sweaty hat which I had probably worn for a good six months during spring and summer. I felt really bad then for all the people who had travelled with me that day and now I wash my hats much more often. Everything gets a sniff test now, when I take it off. Hats, the collars of my shirts and jackets, because I'm a sweaty-head person.

Hillbilly Mom said...

River,
I'm glad I don't wear a hat! Imagine if you and Farmer H had been on the same bus! You might have had it all to yourself after a couple of stops.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Sad when you realize you are the problem. There are those among us who cannot smell themselves. This is why I was accused of bathing every patient I encountered in the ER that smelled bad. Just trying to make the world a better place!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
The stench must have been overpowering for Farmer H to recognize it as his own. The worst odors wafted our way in the classroom were from SHOES, not hats. Maybe because hats were not allowed...