Letting My Faux-Outrage Flag Fly

That's a cool image, isn't it? Or perhaps frightening. Mrs. HM waving a flag of faux outrage, which might be outrageously un-faux...

But first, that flag imagery has reminded me of Farmer H. He's been tooling around in his Trailblazer for a month now, sporting an American flag on a stick. I don't know if he has it stuck in his mostly-rolled-up back window, or if it came with a little support thingy to stick on the window. The fact is, every time Farmer H goes up the driveway, I see him flying that patriotic flag.

I have nothing against that flag, but I want to tell Farmer H that the 4th of July holiday is over, and most people don't drive around flying a flag. It kind of makes your car stand out. Makes it easier for road-raged people to follow you, and pick you out of a crowd of silver Trailblazers. And believe me, if anybody was ever going to elicit road rage with his driving techniques...that would be Farmer H.

I've been forgetting to mention the flag issue to Farmer H, since he's always leaving when the thought hits me. Then Friday, I drove through the cemetery for a moment, going the other direction than usual, because I was on the way home this time. You know how different things catch your eye when you vary your routine? Well...I noticed something about that cemetery.

At least a dozen graves had that exact same flag!

I don't mean just an American flag. The same wooden stick, the same size, the same materials as Farmer H's Trailblazer flag. Heh, heh! Farmer H has been driving around sporting a grave flag!

But that's not what I'm outraged about! I guess it's really just medium outrage, compared to another issue I've got simmering, which you shall read about elsewhere. But I'm still pretty annoyed. I don't know if any company makes a Pretty Annoyed flag for me to fly.

What I'm mad about is PEOPLE WHO WON'T GET OVER!

You know. On the road. They take their half out of the middle, as my dad used to say. Now I know exactly what he meant. When two cars are approaching each other on an unlined road, they both, out of courtesy, should stay as far to the right as they can. Then there's no danger of hitting each other, you see.

I dutifully move T-Hoe as far to the right as I can. But other drivers insouciantly cruise along with a five-or-six-foot gap between their wheels and the edge of the road. That makes it very difficult for T-Hoe to avoid them. There is no shoulder on our blacktop roads. Just a drop-off, of varying depths.

T-Hoe is a substantial vehicle. Like an army tank, not a Shriner's mini-motorcycle. Piloting him is akin to bulldozing through the eye of a needle, not cycling under the Eiffel Tower. Balancing his two right tires on the edge of the pavement is like riding roller blades along a tightrope, not flappping Ronald McDonald shoes along the Great Wall of China.

People really need to be more considerate drivers. Don't make me get an actual car-flag!