Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Slicey And Dicey

No, I haven't severed any digits in a kitchen chopping frenzy. I'm referring to my trip to town yesterday, which was both slicey and dicey.

After my weekly Devil's Playground adventure, I cruised over to Waterside Mart for some scratchers. Glad I did, because I discovered later that I had a $40 winner on a $5 ticket! However...I was nearly maimed for life on the way out of the store.

Of course I kept to the right side of the double glass doors. I pushed it open, ignoring the sign taped on the glass. Nobody reads those, do they? The homemade signs, sometimes on bright pink paper like this one. I guess it might have been advertising the daily special in their deli. Anyhoo...I pushed open the door, stepped through, and

THAT PAPER FLAPPED UP IN THE WIND AND NEARLY SLICED MY RIGHT CORNEA!

I know they can do cornea transplants now. But I don't want a cadaver's cornea! Nor do I want to wait for somebody to die, just to harvest their cornea. I prefer to leave my cornea intact, and not sliced by a paper cut from a sign taped to a convenience store door by the top two corners.

Seriously! OSHA needs to have some kind of regulation for door signs!

Whew! Having narrowly avoided having my cornea sliced, either by my ninja-like blinking reflex, or Even Steven controlling the wind gust or my stride to keep me a fraction away from disaster...I hopped in T-Hoe, adrenaline pumping, and headed back towards the Mansion.

As I rounded the curve by where the old Casey's sits, across from my mom's former bank...I saw an orange diamond-shaped road sign. The canvas fold-up kind. It said UTILITY WORK AHEAD. Let the record show that this sign was just past the police station, before the old Casey's, kind of across from the quick oil change place.

I did NOT want to run into any delays. Since that warning was put there to clearly warn people there might be delays, due to UTILITY WORK...I got in the left turn lane to take the old road that runs past the lake. I was not going to continue on past the Devil's Playground and through the lights. There's all kinds of utilities that might be worked on up that way.

About a half mile up the lake road, over a little hill and around a curve, I saw TWO ELECTRIC TRUCKS parked halfway on the road. Dang it!

That's dicey, my friends! Dirty pool. Pulling the wool over drivers' eyes. Bait and switch. Putting a sign out on the main road, with nothing at all indicating that the work was occurring on a side road. I call shenanigans!

Lucky for me, the big truck headed for the quarry, and another car in front of me, swung over the center line to go around, so I followed along behind them. The line of cars waiting while we used their partial lane was about 5 deep.

At least I had full vision in my eye, what with my cornea intact.

5 comments:

Sioux Roslawski said...

If you weren't retired, perhaps you would have been at some teacher workshop, instead of almost losing your cornea as you went all will-nilly through your region...

It's not too late to discontinue your retirement and go back to work.

River said...

You do live interesting days, that's for sure.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sioux,
Perhaps. At a teacher workshop, where I would be daydreaming about almost losing my cornea. Or ACTUALLY losing it, and getting some time off to recover...

***
River,
My life is fraught with manufactured drama!

fishducky said...

That's probably the first time I've ever seen anyone actually use the word fraught!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

fishducky,
I like to think of myself as a well-rounded renaissance hillbilly, capable of utilizing the Queen's English, though you'll have to imagine my accent, as it does not lend itself to text.