The Saddest Sack Who Ever Sacked

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has been bumbling around for two days, deep in a biorhythm valley. You know about biorhythms, don't you? Some days, you're firing on all cylinders, at the summit of all three (physical, emotional, intellectual) cycles. Then you enter a slow decline, where they're not aligned, until eventually, you're in the trough of all three. I'm pretty sure if I was reading my current biorhythm, I would find that it had dropped off the bottom of the page. Not a trough, but an abyss. If that's possible.

With Farmer H gone, I've been on my own. I thought I'd make a salad for myself, even though I was out of mushrooms. And the little grape tomatoes were getting wrinkly. But still, I had romaine, and cheese, and sunflower seeds, and boiled eggs. Except when I cracked the first boiled egg, it was pretty apparent that I wasn't going to be using eggs in my salad.

I stopped to get the mail before heading into town, but somebody not the Speedy McSpeedster lawyer's wife pulled up behind me, flapping her arms and no doubt cursing me. Even though I had T-Hoe parked with his right flank up against the leafy tree limbs, far enough back from the county road, and turned off. Any other fool would have been able to tell that I was PARKED, and not just sitting there before pulling out. There was at least a car length and a half in front of me. I guess it's too much trouble to pull around a parked car these days. So I started up, signaled, and went to town against my will, the mail waiting for me to return.

I picked up some fried chicken at The Devil's Playground, just because it was easier getting it there, rather than waiting for it to be boxed up and juggled with my 44 oz Diet Coke at the Gas Station Chicken Store. Sadly, when I sat down to eat it, I discovered that I had mistakenly picked up a container of SPICY HOT chicken.

I cashed in the $40 scratcher winner, and have not won a single thing in three days. The new clerk at the Gas Station Chicken Store, rather than giving me back four $5 scratchers and a twenty, counted out $18.31, because she did not take my proffered exact change of $1.69 for my magical elixir.

On the second night of eating my SPICY HOT chicken, I forgot my ear of corn in the microwave, all wrapped up in cling wrap, ready for nuking. It wasn't worth climbing 13 steps on my creaky old knees, so I went cornless.

At 1:20 a.m., I exited my lair to watch the DVR of Wednesday night's Big Brother episode. I was recording two other shows at the time. I turned on both TV and DISH, clicked on my recordings, selected Big Brother, pressed START, and turned to set down the remote as a commercial was playing. THE SCREEN WENT BLACK! I hadn't even tried to zap those commercials yet! It was 1:20 a.m., and I had a blank TV screen. I worked 45 minutes trying to revive my RCA. But no. None of my life support measures worked! I pressed a plethora of buttons, but nothing would come up on that TV. Not even with the TV remote, going through the set-up stuff. It just kept telling me NO SIGNAL, then going black. Even though I was on the correct HDMI 1 thingy.

After 2:00 a.m., those shows should have stopped recording, but the red lights were still on, indicating that was not so. I was at wit's end. I got my mini flashlight to search behind the table the TV sits on, amongst the web of wires and dust bunnies, until I found the power supply cord for the DISH receiver. I unplugged it for one minute, then plugged it back in. A message came up on the TV that DISH was loading its information to restart. Within 5 minutes, I had TV again!!! Yay, me!

Thursday morning, I turned on my Shiba, and got the white screen of death. It's different from the black screen of death. And not just the color. It looked like I was opening a window, but it never loaded. It said it was loaded, down at the bottom, but all I had was a white screen with the task bar up top. On every page I tried to load. Heady with my success from the night before, and ignoring the little voice in my head nagging about the box on the screen that keeps nagging me every time I turn it on, that Windows Vista is no longer supported...I did a restart. YAY ME! That made it work.

The ice in FRIG II's freezer was only one layer of cubes thick in the ice collector. Only days ago, I had a plethora of ice, almost piled over the top. Yet now, FRIG II had gone on an ice strike.

When I ran water in my yellow bubba cup in the NASCAR bathroom, a spray from the spout went up and over the hand-painted countertop, due to lime buildup around the spigot.

Oh, yeah. And when I fed the goat and mini-pony for the second day, I hurt my back putting the lid back on the feed can.

Maybe my malaise is just because Farmer H is away, and I'm pining for him...

NAH! That's definitely not it!