It never ends! Farmer H's eternal quest to make me unalive. By conscious effort or welcome coincidence. It's like he can't help himself.
Saturday evening, he came in with a story about his BARn that I might repeat at some point. He meandered around the kitchen. I told him that I'd started bagging the trash, but got sidetracked. I had the bag ready to pull out of the wastebasket, already cinched up. I normally take out the bag and put it by the kitchen door, and Farmer H drives it up to the end of the driveway the next morning, and puts it in the dumpster.
I was surprised that Farmer H started removing the trash bag, and put a new one in its place. He carried the full bag past me at the kitchen table, to set it by the chair that holds his hat and cheater sunglasses and his vest or jacket in cold weather. I heard the bag CLUNK and fall over, but didn't pay much attention.
Farmer H went about doing his own thing. About ten minutes later, I started to get up for a trip to the bathroom.
MY FEET WOULDN'T MOVE!
The full bag of trash was on them! It had fallen over when Farmer H set it down, onto my Crocs. I was scratching tickets at the time. Not concerned with my feet. I had just uncovered a $100 winner on a $10 ticket. With another one yet to come, though I didn't know it at the time.
Anyhoo... I had to reach under the table and grasp the ties on that full bag of trash, and wrestle it off my feet. Not something an old lady wants to do when she's on her way to take a pee. Luckily, there was not too much squeezage during the bag removal. Good thing I didn't try to stand, and fall over because I was unable to move my feet!
Farmer H. Finding ways to possibly kill me while looking like he's HELPING me...
5 comments:
You didn't pay attention to the falling bag but didn't you feel it landing on your feet?
River,
Do you have CROCS? They are pretty sturdy, despite having those breather holes in them. Sturdy rubber. They don't smash down. Almost like steel-toed safety shoes! But I wouldn't want to drop a sledgehammer on them, or have somebody step on my toes. Still, they withstood the weight of a full kitchen trash bag upon them. So no, I did not feel the bag land on my feet. It covered both feet to mid-foot. Didn't reach the ankles, which were not CROC-protected.
Wait ... he re-lined the trash can? I was unaware that men knew how, or that if they knew how it would never occur to them to do so!
No I don't have crocs, and I remember them being sturdy, so I guess you wouldn't feel anything falling.
Kathy,
He even knew not to use the bags he bought one time, that I HATE, which have "ears" to tie instead of the drawstringy thingies, and smell like old ladies instead of like nothing. He might have hit his head when he tripped in the football game parking lot a couple weeks ago...
***
River,
I bet even Kathy's fake CROCS could hold up to a kitchen trash bag!
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