Monday, I had lunch with my favorite gambling aunt. We always go to the same place, halfway between our homes, to feast on Personal Pan Pizza. You know what chain has those. I'll call it Pizza Shack, even though that's not quite its name. I don't want all those ads popping up in my sidebars. Funny how yesterday morning, I responded on my laptop Hippie to a comment, with a reference to a baby stroller, and merely hours later, I was inundated with baby stroller ads while reading gossip sites on my desktop New Delly.
Anyhoo... Auntie always has the lunch combo that is a Personal Pan and a trip to the salad bar. I usually just have the Personal Pan, but after several times seeing her deal come out cheaper than my pizza alone, I decided to join her with a salad. Not that I'm trying to be healthy by adding a few leaves of lettuce and lots of eggs and cheese and Ranch Dressing!
The waitress asked what we wanted to drink. Auntie always gets unsweetened tea. Not because she's trying to be particularly healthy and avoid sugar for her diabetes. Because she's also been known to order a dozen chocolate chip cookies for dessert. To go. Auntie just likes tea. And apparently chocolate chip cookies.
You all know my drink of choice! Because I was picking up a 44 oz Diet Coke on the way home, I told the waitress I wanted water to drink.
"But it comes with a soda."
"So make my soda a water."
"I can't do that. I'll have to charge you extra for water."
THE NOT-HEAVEN, YOU SAY! Sweet Gummi Mary! In what universe is it plausible to jack up the price by replacing soda with water? It's not like they give you a gallon jug full of pristine glacier melt-ice! You get a plastic glass full of ice, just like with a soda, only the liquid inside the plastic glass is water from the tap instead of soda that they buy and run through their soda fountain with carbonation.
"Well. I don't really want soda. But I guess I'll take a Diet Coke."
"Is Diet Pepsi okay?"
Not only did I not want soda, I particularly didn't want Diet Pepsi! I only wanted water. I've been sick, you know. I need to stay hydrated to try and cough up that phlegm. I don't need extra caffeine on top of the 44 ounces of Diet Coke I will be having later in the day. But I'll be ding-dang-donged if I'll PAY EXTRA FOR WATER!
"Sure. Yeah. Diet Pepsi."
I can't fault the waitress. She was only following policy, and was quite polite, and served us with just the right amount of attentiveness for refills* and removing plates. She gave Auntie a take-out cup full of unsweetened tea when we left. I'm pretty sure that set them back more than the price of running water into a plastic glass. Anyhoo... we both left her a $3 tip on our bill of $7.49. We stayed a good long time, but it's not like we were taking up a table that was needed by a line of waiting customers. It was pretty unoccupied for the lunch buffet.
Still, because of their water policy, I'm going to have to call Pizza Shack by another name. I now consider them to be The Devil, Jr. Because some people there want ice water, but can only get it if they pay EXTRA.
This name is fitting, I think, because The Devil, Jr., is across the parking lot from The Devil's Playground. Which Auntie had a story about. Seems she went there on Saturday night (Auntie definitely needs to revitalize her social life).
"I couldn't believe it! Saturday night, and they only had ONE CASHIER open! They were telling everyone to use the self-checkout. The lines were ridiculous!"
Well. The time they tell ME to use the self-checkout, I'll be leaving my cart right where it stands and walking out. The Devil's delicious slaw be darned! I will take my business elsewhere.
This customer is really getting tired of never being right anymore.
_____________________________________________________________________
Let the record show that I had NO refills on my Diet Pepsi. But Auntie had three on her unsweetened tea, and also a take-out cup to go. PLUS she asked for a cup of ice, because her first glass of tea melted it all. The waitress said they had just made it, and cheerfully brought Auntie a cup full of ice.
Silly me! I just now had a scathingly brilliant idea! Next time, I'll order tea. Then ask for a cup of ice. Which will melt, and give me water!
I'm so bright, they call my son Genius!
______________________________________________________________________
3 comments:
The mother of a genius will definitely outsmart a stupid policy!
Remember the days when water was free?
I really dislike that "customer is always right" slogan. It just ain't true! And I know a few dozen people who take advantage of it to get free goods from the supermarkets. I won't say how, in case some of those types are reading here and decide to copy.
Kathy,
Yeah! I just had that flash of inspiration. Too late, until next we lunch.
***
River,
Yes, they'd bring everyone a glass of water, then ask what you wanted for your drink. We definitely wouldn't want the secret to free stuff to get out!
Post a Comment