A Not-So-DELIcious Tale

I went to the Country Mart Deli on Friday, seeking a quick meal for Farmer H and myself. The Pony was out with a friend, and didn't need to strap on the old feedbag at home that evening.

As I walked across the parking lot, and through the automatic double doors, I could sense someone behind me. I don't like that, you know. When I entered the inner double door, the whole group dashed around me. It was a lady, a 9-10 year old girl, and two boys who may have been twins, around 5 years old.

I know I'm old and slow. But of course that group headed straight to the deli counter. DANG IT! I hate standing around waiting. So I went to the adjacent produce department, to pick out bananas (extreme green for The Pony, just turning yellow for Farmer H), and some hot-house tomatoes on the stem.

Like I said, I'm old and slow. But even after my careful selection, and getting open the end of the static-clinging produce bag for my tomatoes... the deli usurpers were still at the counter. I thought about going to the other end of the store for Farmer H's individual ice cream cups, vanilla with strawberry and chocolate swirl. Then I figured somebody else might come in and go to the deli counter. So I went on over there.

SWEET GUMMI MARY! They were still deciding! Not one thing bagged. The lady ended up getting a bunch of General Tso's Chicken. The boys didn't really want that. They had wanted chicken tenders, but Country Mart was out of them. So instead of taking the chicken nuggets in their place, she got those boys General Tso's Chicken!

Boy 1 kept whining that she didn't get him BBQ for dipping sauce. She explained they didn't have it. And that when they got home, he could pour BBQ sauce in a bowl, and stir his chicken all around in it. He didn't seem to be buying it. Evidenced by a bit more whining, while sliding his hands all over the glass-fronted deli case. As did his brother, Boy 2. Sometimes they even joined hands to do it in unison. Then Boy 2 wandered off (nearer to me!) and started stomping at a fly on the tile floor. I don't know what the girl got. Maybe macaroni and cheese. It took forever.

Finally, it was my turn. There was nothing Farmer H would like, except the General Tso's Chicken. No rice in sight this day. So I got his favorite sides of green beans and mashed potatoes with brown gravy. For myself, I got some of the untried chicken nuggets. Which I later found out tasted just like McDonald's chicken nuggets. Except it was all white meat inside. Actually pretty good.

I saw some jumbo shrimp left in the bin. So I got that for The Pony's lunch the next day.

"I'll take however many pieces of that shrimp you have left. I usually get 10, but I don't think there's that many."

The deli boy put it in a bag, and weighed it, rather than charging by the piece, like they usually do. Heh, heh! It was only $3.88! But here's the tragic mishap!

Deli Boy had been telling me how he just wasn't awake (at 1:30 p.m.) because while he had MADE his coffee that morning, he forgot to DRINK his coffee that morning. Also, that he had just moved out of his parents' house, and this was his first day on his own.

"Oh, you're having trouble ADULTING!"

I know all that lingo from Genius. Anyhoo... Deli Boy agreed, and started dipping out the shrimp with his tongs, putting them in the plastic bag. On the very last tong, he DROPPED two shrimp! One went to the floor, and the other, he pinned against the counter with his apron-ed midsection.

"Oh, no! There weren't that many! I don't want the one on the floor, but I'll take that one you trapped."

Heh, heh. It's not like I was going to eat them! Besides, let's recall that I ate a BBQ hot dog that fell on the porch where Jack licks the boards clean after his daily treat.

The Pony, Hick, and I are going to have really strong immune systems... if we don't die of food poisoning first.