I Think I've Found A Way To Horrify The Pony

Don't read this while eating lunch. Please. I implore you. I've got no business with you today. Stand clear. As Rooster Cogburn might have advised you if you were the Parmalee brothers in True Grit, about to ride toward him in a gun battle to the death. I'm about to tell you the story I used to finally horrify The Pony, much in the manner HE horrifies ME with tales of hairwads in the shower drain, or demonstrations of how he can touch a multitude of my things and hold them in his bare feet.

Let the record show that The Pony had just moments before been in the kitchen as I put my lunch on a tray, telling me how he'd been up at 3:00 a.m. and wrestled with old hair wrapped around that plastic stalk thing that sticks down under the metal drain plug in the bathtub shower. I was not curious enough to ask why he chose such an hour, because that would have continued the conversation.

Anyhoo... The Pony settled down on the long couch, with a turkey and cheese sandwich on the coffee table, watching the eleventy-millionth rerun of a Food Network Guy show. I was actually just making conversation when I asked if he'd heard the news about a state official in one of the Dakotas, who had said he hit a deer on the way home from a political event, and then the next morning was discovered to have killed a PERSON with his car.

Not that I think this is funny. We had a local state representative involved in such a political faux pas several years ago. Drove home drunk from a New Year's Eve party, hit a roadwalker with the side mirror of his truck, switched out drivers, went home, and didn't tell a soul. The victim eventually recovered from brain damage, and the political guy was caught after a surveillance camera at Hillmomba High School showed him tossing beer cans into the back of the truck, and the ol' driver switcheroo with his wife.

Anyhoo... I went on to tell The Pony, who was not participating actively enough in the conversation for my likes,

 

"Of course I read it in the UK Daily Mail. So there's that. But it was pretty interesting. In his picture, he looked just like the kind of guy who would do that! The comments were mixed. Some people said maybe it was too dark to stop. Maybe he thought he really hit a deer, and couldn't do anything for it. Or maybe he wanted to get home and sober up before calling anyone, since the event he came from was at a bar and grill.

 

But here's the one I liked best! A lady said it could happen. That she had been involved in such a situation. Some guy had hit a person on his way home at night, and left the scene. He thought he'd hit a deer on the highway. The next morning, this lady was driving to work, and traffic kept swerving. They saw a deer carcass on the highway. A rack of broken ribs. But then a driver stopped, and saw that IT WAS A MAN'S RIBS AND TORSO! And--"

 

"STOP!"

 

"Why? I'm just telling you what happened--"

 

"STOP! I am EATING!"

 

"Just how someone might THINK they'd hit a deer--"

 

"I said to STOP!"

 

By now I was laughing so hard that I could barely get the words out or catch a wheezy Muttley breath. The Pony jumped up, grabbed the stump of his sandwich, and galloped off to his room.

 

"I was just...was just...uh...uh...trying to say...uh...that they walked all over the highway, picking up assorted body parts!"

 

SHEESH! Can't The Pony take a joke? He can stretch out his feet to me, rub them on the remote, talk about clipping his toenails and unwinding hair from a drain plug... but he takes off high-stepping like a prized Lipizzaner stallion because I want to share a little current news with him??? Not just on his high horse, but actually BEING his own high horse!

 

Anyhoo... in finding this method of torment, and in finding my title, I remembered an old song I really like. I Think I've Found a Way by Katie Belle and the Belle Rangers, from the indy movie Niagara, Niagara. Check it out! It's not exactly an uplifting movie, but it's an old favorite. Oh, yeah. I have the soundtrack. They're all great songs. ______________________________________________________________________

HEY! If you like that kind of music, you can go here and scroll down and all the songs from the soundtrack are on this YouTube channel! I promise it's not about body parts. _______________________________________________________________________